Miserable Git VII - The Final Chapter - F#@k you and your firmware updates

The Lounge General Discussion
#1

I remember when Soma released the Cosmos and all the boring bastards on the internet moaned that it wasn’t a really bog standard looper pedal. So then Soma released a new firmware so you can completely miss the point of what they were trying to achieve and turn it into a really bog standard looper pedal. I’m not gonna lie, I lost a bit of respect for Soma that day.

And then what happens next? The company I loved for their ability to churn out batshit instruments that are very much the finished article out of the door brings out another new product, but this time with a big USB port for an arsehole so that boring bastards can have all their future fucking firmware fantasies fulfilled, while making a beautiful instrument more and more convoluted/boring/compatible with all your other boring fucking gear. Boring bastards.

Another thing is all these jeb ends like TE and these Chompy fuckers releasing gear that is nowhere near finished but, you know, looks all whimsical and shit and sells out really fast so don’t miss out…buy now, maybe have a fully working piece of gear once Nathaniel comes back off his gap year finding himself in Laos and finishes developing the fucking thing, but in the meantime, here’s a firmware update that makes cats appear on the screen if you turn the delay feedback up over 75.

But actually, I don’t really blame the companies making this shite.

I blame all the nitwits buying this shite.

Stop asking for it. You don’t fucking need it.

Stop moaning about what it hasn’t got when you do buy it. You knew what you were buying, so shutup, stop acting all indignant about how shit it is, you saw the same videos about it as the rest of us on pootube.

Stop talking about how those features you want must be easy to implement because Bitwig can do it. Bigwig can do everything, the smug bastards.

So I’ve decided that I’m now boycotting any hardware (but not computers and software, because that ship has fucking sailed) that either requires, promises or is even capable of fucking firmware updates.

Either build it properly in the first place or fuck off.

P.S. - I’m still waiting for all them song mode Digi bangers…

110 Likes
Analog four mk2 or bass station II and other synth
#2

Gonna get this manifesto cut and pasted into the site Guidelines

40 Likes
#4

Amen :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

1 Like
#5

you, sir, have the gift of the pen :rofl:
…and of honesty

9 Likes
#6

some use firmware updates to create sustainable hardware, some use it to sell half baked gear

I support the first model :slight_smile:

21 Likes
#7

Never heard jeb end before. What country’s slang is that?

5 Likes
#8

Are updates still relevant in 2024?

8 Likes
#9

Want to know what thing is the worst for this? Fucking sonos speakers, what a complete utter crock of shit system, every time I go switch the fucking speakers on, I need to wait and update something before I can press play. No opt out to just FUCKING LEAVE IT ALONE and just play the song and fuck your update. I now never turn them on, put in drawer haven’t used for donkeys.

7 Likes
#10

Fookin’ Blighty, mate!

(I hate myself lol)

4 Likes
#11

Yeah! I gotta say that for a Polish person like myself, “jeb ends” strikes a particularly nice tone, no doubt. Didn’t know this one either!

2 Likes
#12

British slang, derivation of Bellend, as in the tip of your knob.

4 Likes
#13

Somebody sing amazing grace.

3 Likes
#14

I’m not allowed.

Not after last time.

5 Likes
#15

So you’re saying the guidelines need updating?

I’ll fight you.

14 Likes
#16

Yamaha Musiccast is running here with zero issues.

1 Like
#17

btw, we should not be talking like that about Nathaniel. He’s been having a really difficult time since his ferret sadly drew its last breath in 2022

4 Likes
#18

Kind of ironic that people are gonna be checking the updates on this post! Hope this does not grip the original authors shit too much!

2 Likes
#19

I don’t understand why this policy applies to “hardware” but not your OS, DAW, or VSTs.

I have one digital Eurorack module with no instructions on how to update the firmware. They’re not planning on doing it.

2 Likes
#20

So you’re saying you’ll have another A4 before June. Got it.

8 Likes
#21

If you knew how long I spent proof reading and spell checking my OP to avoid having to edit (aka update) it, you’d know how gripped my shit is.

9 Likes