I feel the same way. I struggled with this with my first two kids. Going from unfettered musician to parent is a massive shift. It makes sense that we want to hold onto things as they were. But parenting is exhausting and burning the candle at both ends catches up with people. It definitely did with me.
After our third kid was born a couple years ago, a switch basically flipped and, due to a nice combination of exhaustion and something resembling wisdom, I became completely ok with music taking a back seat. Some weeks I will play a lot, some a little, some barely at all and it is totally fine. Ultimately it feels like I have taken so much pressure off myself that probably shouldn’t have been there to begin with. It’s a lesson that was hard learned but one I am grateful to have gotten to eventually.
I’m a big proponent of being chill and playing the long game!
Same for me, I really struggled to make a meaningful continuation with music after our first child was born. It was likely harder with him than with some children, because he was and remains a high-energy child, full of thoughts and ideas, and needing a lot of attention. I ended up losing all of my music-oriented social life, which involved playing fiddle and mandolin in pubs. Took me years to get over that, and I can still feel the gap. Just starting to contemplate getting up early in the morning to practice, to see if I can work my way back into it.
Not saying any of the above to be discouraging, but more to highlight just how hard these changes can be, as people adjust to being a parent.
This is a really nice thread to read through and I can relate to a lot of the posts.
I have a 10 and 12 year old.
I know there’s wide variety of musicians here, so I can’t say much that will resonate with everyone about how to pursue your music with young kids.
Something I tell upcoming parents is that the last good sleep you’ll have is the night before the first one is born.
Personal time is still important, even if you feel guilty. It doesn’t have to be much, but it’s easy to lose yourself without it, and that’ll affect things. Trade off an afternoon with your partner on the weekend. Grab a beer with a friend once a month. My partner is a stay-at-home parent, so we’ve coordinated her going to a local hotel for a weekend a few times a year, just for some peace and quiet.
Let your kids guide their interests. They might not have an interest in music. Yet. In the last two years, one of mine started playing guitar and the other drums, purely by their own interest. I feel like my job as a parent is to support their growth, not dictate it.
Take them out and explore the world. I was taking them out on busses and trains when they were 2-3 years old, going to the library and McDonald’s.
And find little ways to have fun and enjoy every day. Today during dinner, my wife was telling me about weekend plans and I replied with “bruh”, “RIP”, “cooked”. The smiles on their faces made my day.