None of my friends are supportive of my music

It’s really frustrating, I don’t think I have a single friend who’s supportive or encouraging of my music, despite the fact that most of them know this is something I work tirelessly on. I’ve shared tracks (both from my band and from my solo electronic project) with dozens of friends or family members, and more than half the time they don’t even acknowledge it or respond. At best I get a “cool, anyway” and they immediately the subject. It’s maddening.

Like, is my music that terrible? Or is everyone just narcissistic and rude? Every time someone I know accomplishes a goal or creates something I make sure to be encouraging and tell them how cool what they’re doing is. I give them feedback and ask about the process. Which isn’t to say that I’m working on this for praise, because it’s really just a hobby, but I feel like so many of my relationships are one sided in this regard. How hard is it to say “wow, good job, keep it up?”. Does it take that much effort to at least feign a low level interest in someone’s passion? Especially when they’ve supported and encouraged you through all of your pet projects? The lack of reciprocity totally gets under my skin…does anyone else go through this?

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There’s a saying that goes something like “You are the sum total of your five closest friends.” If any of my five closest friends (I really only have like two, both of which I played in a band with and lived with for years) acted that way I’d question why I was friends with them to begin with. In fact…I wouldn’t have been friends with them to begin with lol.

It may be time to reevaluate whom you associate with. Meet like-minded people–people that will help you grow and reach your goals just like you’ll help them grow and reach their goals, too. Might I ask how old you are? This is a crossroads we all have to take.

EDIT: That being said: People who don’t know anything about music generally don’t know what to say. I remember when I started my first band (and put out shit music) I would go around asking family members and friends “Well what do you think? What can be better? How is it?” and they’d just say “Oh it’s good” and it would (internally) piss me off to no end. You are truly the only person who can properly judge your output and the work you put into it. People are generally bad with criticism unless you go on specific forums/workshops where everyone is sharing and giving criticism.

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I’m in my early 30s, which makes this rant a little embarrassing, but good advice to take to heart, regardless.

One thing I’ve learned is that your friends and family are never going to be your fans, not unless you make it big. To them, what you do isn’t special. They know you too well. Even if you made an absolute masterpiece, they probably won’t pay it any mind cause they see you as “you.” Now if some stranger they never even heard of made this same exact masterpiece, they would probably flip their lids because they don’t have any personal ties with them. It’s “mystified” to them, because all they know at that point is the music.

This is actually a common theme, and why a lot of bands/artists don’t make it big until they start traveling to other states and/or countries. Your home town is almost always going to be your smallest fan base, and it’s simply because they only see you as “you.”

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing though, it just means you have to forget about them and start spreading to a wider audience. I have strangers dm’ing me saying my beats are great and unique, asking production questions, etc; but my friends and family just say, "oh that’s neat, have you heard about insert other topic hear or they just completely ignore it and change the subject.

You’re not alone in this my friend, this is a VERY common thing.

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Go out and meet people doing the things you like to do. It’s a little scary, but read How to Make Friends and Influence People and it gets easier :stuck_out_tongue: So whatever kind of music you make, go to venues/shows/bars where that music is being played, and just talk and be friendly with everyone possible (though especially the fellow musicians). You may hit it off (or you may not, that’s fine too) and you could make a friend or possible collaborator. As time goes by you may find yourself hanging out with these friends/collaborators more often than your current friends because you have a more symbiotic relationship with them.

My good friend who got me into synthesizers/electronics I actually met at a Guitar Center. I was playing Lotus Flower by Radiohead on a Microkorg (didn’t even know what it was or what a “synth” was) and he came over and commented on it, and we talked, and I invited him to be in my band, and we exchanged emails…I lived with that guy for four years. If he hadn’t’ve said anything who knows where either of us would be…Butterfly effect and all that.

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It’s hard to say without seeing the dynamics of the relationships first hand. Do they listen to the genre of music you make? If they don’t then that doesn’t really mean much as they wouldn’t even like music of that style made by a professional. Could be lots of reasons, although I agree if they are good friends they should support you whatever you are up to.

It’s good to dance in front of people like nobody is watching, just do your thing. Often it takes courage and percervierence to just keep going knowing in your heart something real is there, and eventually it will fall on the ears that appreciate it. I do hope you find some like minds though because that’s a tough spot to be in emotionally. I don’t even need to hear your stuff and I fully support your musical endeavor. By all means just rock it, don’t let nobody hold you back…

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This resonates personally with me as I play a lot of my music to people that are more into the whole top 40s, poppy stuff. They usually just say “oh that’s cool” and then we move on.

The most positive feedback I’ve received is from people that actually make music themselves or listen to the type of stuff I make (glitchy, ambient, IDM) Those people are few and far between. Thank God for online forums!

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Thanks, this is really comforting to hear.

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Yeah, he is on to something there…

Is that what you really want? Fake interest?

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Yeah. Don’t expect your friends and family to like it, unless they’re actually into the kind of music that you make. Why would they? My brother is into Ed Sheeran, it would be weird if he liked my music.

What they probably will respect is if you take it seriously yourself. Let them know that you’re releasing music, playing shows etc., and they should have some level of respect for that even if they don’t like the music per se.

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I have dealt with this a lot. It specially bothered me when non-interest or lack of encouragement was coming from my at the time SO. I was just getting into it production and DJing but I didn’t really get any kind of enthusiasm. That was very apparent when I met new people and which I told that I make music at home. Seeing their reaction and encouraging words made me realize that I need to surround myself with more like minded people. It don’t have to be musicians, most creative go through the same struggles of finding themselves and trying to succeeded in a small scale so will encourage each other.

My family doesn’t really care too much about what I’m doing. Like I wouldn’t expect my mom to be jamming to my noise project.

If you feel that you need some sort of validation or acceptance, try an online community. People are super positive specially on Instagram (where I post most of my stuff).

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No problem dude. This is something I struggled with for a while but with a great community like this and social media outlets its easier to find people who really will appreciate your music.

lol I really enjoy picturing this for some reason “I wouldn’t expect my mom to be jamming to my noise project” - noizmomz haha

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Noizmomz… and their sisters, ElektroAunts… :smile:

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Have you shared your music here?

I play bass for a living…Americana/country/ rockabilly etc. Most of my friends don’t get my passion for odd, cinematic music at all. Since I don’t do that music for anyone but me, it comes as no surprise. I still do it for me:)

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I think @DataStrain is dead on. I think the whole “them seeing you as you” thing is too true. I also think you should totally just own the fact that not everyone is going to care or like what you do, but then embrace it and just keep doing you. You’ll find your audience (and this place is a great place to share what you do). I think I get more interest from other musicians than would-be fans/listeners haha, but that’s okay too. There’s so much to this craft and not everyone will appreciate it. I was so excited to launch my music and I think less than 100 people I know actually liked it on FB, which was crazy to me at the time, but then I realized that even the majority of those are just people being nice and don’t even care about what I’m doing. Give it time and if you want some feedback or even reassurance, I say post stuff on youtube or here and get some feedback - you never know who’s watching (or reading). =)

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That is the most important realization I have had.

I have been really digging deep into myself lately, and I asked me, why do I make music?
I then remembered two very important moments in my life. The exact moment when my first idea of djing came to my consciousness, about 12 years ago, and even earlier, the moment I decided to play bass, 21 years ago (I was 10yr)… The remembering of these two moments - that came with a lot of focused effort - made clear to me that although I thought I made music for fame, recognition of my abilities and money, these were superficial shells, the real motive was to enjoy the selfish pleasure of creating something my own, to evolve, learn, and have fun.
To your considerations, I know how it feels, but we should not depend on other people’s opinions.
We should create music for the joy it brings.

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For me it’s been family who’s made even fun of the music I make. So I totaly get you.
I learned pretty fast that what mattered most was that I liked my music. Intrinsic motivation still is my main driver. I was 13 when I started out. of course it was bad. But over the year it got better and even after the first vinyl release they did’t show any real interest. It was more important to become a design engineer.

For many people music and music creation realy is nothing they are concerned with. People are busy and if they can’t relate (immediatly) it’s hard to show even a little interest.
That’s why communities like this forum are so great or any platform.

Keep your head up and find yourself some fans. And don’t be mad about your friends, if they support you in other aspects of your life that means they care about you.

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If music is a language and it seems that you’re writing poems for yourself, then keep writing them. For, your self is all that you truly have. Sometimes I feel like the music that I make is the equivalent of drawing designs on the mirror after I’ve had a shower and it is all covered in steam and condensation. Through those drawings I see myself.

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