I appreciate you starting this discussion. This same thing has had me feeling down lately, and it’s nice to read through everyone’s responses.
2 Likes
try this experiment, upload something to bandcamp/youtube and find a way to share it without saying that it’s yours, see what’s their reaction, “hey I found a pretty great industrial stuff” kind of thing.
also, it could be that the timing for “hey listen to this” could be problematic, I have a friend I send him my sketches all the time he loves listening to them while walking the dog, a time where he has quiet from everything else and he can casually listen to stuff… he’s a huge jungle/dnb head but he loves the stuff I sent him even if it’s not his style, he tells me that when he’s out of the house doing nothing it’s the only time he can listen to something without distractions.
3 Likes
It could also be a bit of jealousy too… a lot of times that reaction could be because they wish they could do something similar and dismissing it is an easy way to make it not hurt as bad…
1 Like
For most of my early years I shared music and I did not even know why, but in hindsight probably to get people to like me. That changed. I stopped sharing for years. I think it would be different now. I feel a strong urge to connect to people, I feel music is a way to find some sort of understanding. I am unable to put it any better.
3 Likes
People do care, mostly about themselves and their agendas! Fuck em!
Enjoy what you like, life’s too short for anything else!
14 Likes
I learned very early on that my music isn’t for everyone. I grew up in a time where only few people in my country even knew electronic music existed, so I just assume most can’t understand it and I don’t bother showing anything to normies. 
If I showed my stuff to someone who’s deep into the genre I make and they dismissed it though? That would sting 
2 Likes
Maybe someone said it, but: know your audience. I wouldn’t send my music to 99% of the people in my life because they don’t like that kind of music.
8 Likes
My partner, after I’ve been jamming on the Lyra on speakers for a while: “I thought the building was falling down, but then I remembered you like to do that stuff”
Me, beaming: “it was great, hope the noise didn’t bother you much”
Her: “not really, but I’m so glad you had fun”
An irony is that while she steadfastly refuses to acknowledge noise as a valid form of music, there are similar things that she gets great joy from like shuffling mahjong tiles in a metal container lid.
Years ago, I traded some Euro for a TR-8s on a whim. Almost every time I bring that out and make a beat and then add some kind of melody on one of my synths, she loves it.
It’s not hard to make her genuinely happy by making something that better approximates (her idea of) pop norms. I’m not going to do that for everyone since I have no ambitions to be a popular musician, but it’s useful to know that what brings me joy isn’t for everyone and it isn’t all that hard to change what I do to please others.
A lot of people aren’t interested if it isn’t Taylor Swift or some other artist that society has confirmed is Valid and Appropriate Music To Enjoy. People are deeply insecure about what they enjoy and are often terrified of liking something that their peers might not approve of. IDGAF 
12 Likes
I have been thinking a lot about what I want out of making music. I think there is a part of me that started making music because there are musicians that I really love and admire, and I wanted to get a piece of that love and admiration. But what I am realizing is that love and admiration are two very very different things.
I think this is an especially interesting topic since we are talking about our loved one’s reaction to our music. Love in it’s most pure form is unconditional. Which means they love you whether you make music or not. But it also means that they might well not love you because of your music, and they might be totally indifferent to your music.
Admiration on the other hand is very conditional. You admire someone for the things they have accomplished. Admiration feels like it usually happens at a bit of a distance. Admiration is also very hierarchical, the admirer generally looks up to the object of admiration. “It’s lonely at the top” type stuff.
I feel like many of us who grew up with the music industry of the 80’s, 90’s, and early 2000’s have this image of the musician as an extremely important cultural force. I know when I was growing up the “artist” was of primary importance in culture. Then we have a bit of an expectation that our music can also be a part of that important cultural force. So we maybe get inflated expectations of what our music should achieve, and how much we should be admired for doing it.
The question I always ask myself is “why is this not good enough”? Why do I want more admiration? Why do I want more attention? Is there some aspect of my life where I am not feeling loved or appreciated? Like am I just making music because when I was a kid everyone on TV thought that musicians were the coolest people around? Now that I am a musician and there are millions of us, it doesn’t seem quite as cool or unique. But am I doing it because it makes me unique, or because I actually enjoy it?
9 Likes
Amen.
Damn that is rare.
Maybe you could ask yourself why you are making music, what drives you…
Since I abandoned the idea of creating music that would please people, I just make music for myself and share it, good or not.
When it pleases someone, it’s cool.
If it doesn’t and I have some feedback, I decide if it helps me or not getting a better sound.
The moment when the one you care about will tell you what you did is good, you know you’ll realized something.
Doesn’t mean you don’t if they don’t.
6 Likes
It took me a looooong time to realise this is the reality of music for a lot of people. I’ve also bumped into some weirdos who say they are not into music at all which is absolutely unfathomable for me (how the hell can a human being be uninterested in music??).
After getting a bit older is when I realised I was very privileged for having friends when I grew up who actually loved music, would share some rare finds, gems from places we had never heard about, even less considered looking for. Artists who were real artists, unknown to the masses, almost forgotten in a bin somewhere in the record store, had amazing music that those friends would find and setup a listening session to appreciate it.
I also realised what you mentioned, a lot of people are afraid of having their own taste, sharing what you like is like sharing your library, it shows who you are deeper inside, what moves you or not. It’s easier and less risky to follow the herd, to like what’s already liked (which doesn’t mean that a lot of that can’t be good!) rather than explore the stuff they wouldn’t be able to play at their birthday party because almost no one else would understand.
There’s a huge difference between listening to music for entertainment and listening to actually enjoy it deeply, I do both of them but it’s always much more fulfilling to listen to something that hits an unexpected spot inside of my soul.
3 Likes
Something I learned in college when I would post my music on facebook and ask my friends for feedback is that a lot of people who aren’t artists themselves typically don’t know how to make the distinction between something being objectively bad and something being just not for them. I don’t know what kind of music you make but since you’re on this forum, odds are it’s not something that has mainstream accessibility. So yeah, I would say don’t bother sharing it with people unless you know they’re into the type of music you make, or unless they ask you. Not because you’re annoying people, but because it is a bit pointless to share your music with people who probably aren’t going to get it.
As for your girlfriend, she doesn’t have to listen to your music, but she should absolutely support and encourage your creative interests, rather than tell you it’s bad or not to share it with anyone. That’s just rude. I personally could not be in a relationship with someone like that.
14 Likes
Same here. Clarifying a prior point I made: I’ve never met anyone new at a concert that wants to discuss the music, but I have and have had a string of IRL friends who do.
That is a hard distinction to make. How do I know that I’m making something, fair enough, not for them but not objectively bad?
1 Like
i rarely record anything but i work on music almost everyday, i love jamming out for a few hours or creating synth patches or rhythms or sounds, fuck em. you do it for you.
4 Likes
I’d argue that if you manage to make something objectively bad that makes it interesting and to some degree good. “Objectively bad” is usually something you hear from people who have studied some musical tradition extensively, but not deeply enough to be able to transcend it. In other words, cultural conservatives.
2 Likes
All my music is objectively bad.
That’s why it’s so good.
16 Likes
I don’t think it’s a difficult distinction at all; when it comes down to it, I don’t think any art is objectively bad. I’ve been to shows in abandoned buildings where some dude is making screeching noises on his modular setup for an hour straight. But people were there for it. If at least one person can appreciate what you make, even yourself, then it’s not objectively bad. But a lot of people, particularly non-artists, categorize art that’s not for them as objectively bad.
2 Likes