Only the English never adopted your so-called corrections.
Why not go for full dumb-down, attempt to write your pronunciation completely phonetically and rename your dialect Americanese. Then we can get rid of the awful misnomer “British English” 
It’s a similar situation with droit(e) in French, which can indicate both straight (including as in straight ahead) and to the right, which is often confusing while giving or taking directions. Or au-dessus (above) and au-dessous (below). Pronunciation and context are thus crucial (people sometimes think I’m Canadian as a result when speaking French).
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My fave is hearing Americans on tv talk about ‘duty’, which they often pronounce ‘doodie’ 
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Vehicle = veer cul not vee hickle.
Semi = sem e not sem eye.
Aeroplane not airplane.
Z = zed not zee.
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We’re supposed to say zed around these parts but nobody does.
The letter H is a fun one too.
Americans say “eightch” not “hache”,
“Eightch” being a pointless pronunciation that does not to describe where the letter should be used.
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Yeah, but what did the Romans ever do for us, anyway?
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Odd. Checked around here and everyone says plates!
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Maybe they all listened to the speech synth in the video saying it that way … 
Met a linguist at a party once. She told me some fun facts about the British and American language. The American version is more similar to how the British spoke back in the day. But the British English has evolved more and in an other direction like how the R’s are disappearing.
But the only correct way to pronounce digitone and digitakt is the Scandinavian way!
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Yeah that one never gets old! 
Well actually…
The British scientist that discovered it initially referred to it as aluminium, but this was criticized as being incorrect as the word was derived from alumina and therefore aluminum was considered more correct.
The inventor himself switched to aluminum when he published a text book on it. Later, another British scientist again suggested aluminium as it sounded ‘more classical’, so that became widely used in Britain, although aluminum had already caught on in America.
Aluminium - Wikipedia (under Etymology)
I know you were half-joking, I’m not fussed either way, but I learnt this at some point in my life and just couldn’t help but share it here.
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If you go to places like the Outer banks of North Carolina, which were pretty remote until as late as the 1960s you can hear it there somewhat, and especially in ethnographic recordings of older people.
A lot of the US English pronunciations - eg Louis as loo-ee - are also quite likely as a result of French influence, considering that a huge chunk of the landmass that became the USA was bought as part of the Louisiana purchase. go to somewhere like Wisconsin and all the way down the rivers to New Orleans and a good chunk of place names are French in origin.
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My wife is from Philly and she pronounces water as “wooder”. I’ve started to pick up elements of her Philly accent due to proximity and love for her.
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The Aquaduct?
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Sanitation?
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And how would they be able to enumerate Super Bowls without Romans?
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This filters into my theory that English should evolve ‘No’ -> ‘Na’
because I’m sick of spelling ‘Know’ wrong when I’m squiffy.
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