Drug Abuse, Life, Love, Music

The Lounge General Discussion
#1

Hello fellow Elektronauts!

This is may be an uncomfortable post. But hopefully a cathartic one. It’s about drugs, so don’t feel compelled to read it it offends (I hope not tho).

I don’t normally disclose this sort of stuff. Not too sure why I am now… I haven’t been posting here that long, few months I think.

Forums are sometimes full of knobs. However, I really feel like the people I’ve met here seem like such kind, enlightened people. Beautiful souls, looking out for each other (keeping that GAS in check :slight_smile: So maybe that’s why I feel comfortable sharing this with you…

I’ve had problems with drugs for most of my life. I had quite an unhappy childhood, smoked pot at 10, drunk, then as I got older I smoked as much weed/pot as I could get my hands on. To feel better/forget the pain etc.

Fast-forward a few years. I’ve kicked weed. Kicked tobacco. Don’t drink. Very occasional use of E’s/2cb/2ci/Ket/Nitrous/LSD/mushrooms with friends for fun.

Then I started smoking heroin and crack. I was going through some rough shit and feeling really down and then it appeared in my life at that time. Blotted out the pain for me.

Naturally, things escalated from there. To the point of injecting around 4 snowballs a day (is the correct term apparently for crack and heroin mixed - however here in London we call them speedballs which is technically cocaine not crack). As much as can be fitted into a 1ml syringe.

Ended up in hospital, several operations, veins ruined, the usual. Went on methadone for 10 years. Stable. No heroin or crack. But 10. Fricking. Years. I reduced, withdrawals, went back up etc.

Now, I’m coming off of it all. I’ve switched to Buprenorphine, as a way of reducing and getting completely off everything. I don’t like it. My body doesn’t seem to like it, I’ve been feeling nauseous, sick, just plain horrible. I’m sticking it out though. I’ll get off it and get my life back completely.

It hasn’t been all bad. Along the way I had some successes. I ghost produced for a minor celebrity and made some money. My work sold in 23 countries! That was a good feeling. Did a live PA in Ministry Of Sound (only the small top room). Had serious interest in a couple of my old tracks from other producers (stupidly turned them down).

I’m now building an electronic music live-rig similar to Beardyman’s Beardytron. Less iPads but more physical controls. Less live looping, a mixture of sequencing and live looping instead.

I love music! I’ve written a ton of songs. I love Elektronauts too, and have to stop myself browsing it too much!

Anyway, I’ll wrap it up by saying:

To anyone else going through drug problems. Stick it out. Try and remember who you are. Find a reason to beat it. Every experience in your life is important, good and bad, it’s all for you to learn from and to grow with.

And thanks to all Elektronauts for creating this community. I lurked here for ages. Any lurkers reading, join up! It’s so worth it.

Love and peace to you all! :heartpulse:

148 Likes
#2

Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your situation and feelings with us. That takes a lot of guts and it will help others.

Much love and strength to you!

9 Likes
#3

I can’t really go into specifics but I know how destructive heroin can be and how it can affect relationships so I sympathise and wish you all the luck in the world. It sounds like you are on the right track, and that is amazing with the music releases and the passion. Keep positive!

4 Likes
#4

@Laser what in your life keeps you tuned to that frequency that you feel most yourself?
Bless you for sharing. Thanks!

2 Likes
#5

My two wonderful kids! And writing music. All sorts, but I most love singing and playing guitar etc. Sing for absolution!

Thanks for asking!

How about yourself?

3 Likes
#6

Thank you!

1 Like
#7

Thanks! Appreciated!

1 Like
#8

Thanks for sharing. Crack, heroin and any substance one is addicted to are soul sucking bitches that do their best to kill you and if they don’t succeed they’ll definitely make you wish they did.

I had a debilitating addiction to similar things from 17 to 33. Meth, crack, alcohol along with anything I could get my hands on in between. I got sober in 2011 after nearly losing everything in my life that mattered.

Now, I run a co-ed drug and alcohol detox and rehab facility and have been clean and sober for 11 and a half years. We have lots of success with MAT (suboxone / sublicade) at my facility.

There is hope. It gets better. The last 11 years of my 44 on this earth have been the best yet. Real relationships and being able to look yourself in the eye are severely underrated.

Best of luck to you on your journey.

31 Likes
#9

Ah thanks!

Thats amazing you took your wisdom gained and helped others.

Much respect!

2 Likes
#10

We dont really have this in the UK, thank god! Bad enough with the other two!

2 Likes
#11

Keep it up and dont lose focus nor your strength! Thank you for sharing. It means a lot.

2 Likes
#12

Thanks!

I can’t wait to finally be free of it!

1 Like
#13

Big ups to you man. Hopefully one day societies can stop looking down on addiction the way they do, and instead realize it’s an illness that can very quickly affect anyone. It’s absurd to me how little medical attention and advncements there has been in treating it. The lack of empathy many communities have towards addicts is saddening, and for many the lack f empathy and love they experience every day as an addict is the very reason they became addicts. Hopefully someday a quicker, more effective and sensible treatment program can be created by a more enlightened and empathetic society and governments.

Brave of you to share, and I’m rooting for you man. One hour at a time. Remember the good and keep your head up during the bad. You’re an inspiration to more people than you know.

PM me if you need someone to listen, or if you’re having a tough go of it.

7 Likes
#14

Love the share @Laser

I haven’t had any experiences with addiction to these heavily addictive types of drugs, and never plan to - reading someone’s description like yours can actually help people like me to never go there.

Happy to read you’ve got good things going for you:) Keep it up!

1 Like
#15

This is so true! Everone sometimes makes bad choices, we all do it. But when you’re addicted the power to choose is taken from you. At that point, you need help and education, not to be judged!

It’s a silent war. Here in London its everywhere, an epidemic. I’ve watched as friends and neighbours have variously died, had their kids taken away, turned to prostitution. I live in a small block(35 flats) and around a quarter of everyone is on crack/heroin or both.

Here in London you can get help quite easily thank god (and for free). The biggest advancement I guess has been buprenorphine, allowing people to stabilize, and deal with the addiction and withdrawals separately.

Understanding the nature of addiction, how and why it happens is the most powerful tool. This site helped me so much:

HelpMeGetOffDrugs

Thanks for the support! Much love!

1 Like
#16

Ah good! It was worth sharing then!

Thanks for the support!

No-one ever plans on becoming an addict, but there was a tiny (ego-based) part of me thinking, ‘heroin… wow, the big-one, quite cool, like some of my music heroes’ etc.

So to anyone considering it, or at the early stages of it before you realize how fucked you are:

THERE’S NOTHING COOL ABOUT IT! IT IS A LIVING, WAKING HELLISH NIGHTMARE!

6 Likes
#17

Big respect for being able to share your story and best of luck with your ongoing recovery.

Managing an addiction takes far more courage than I know I have, but it can be managed and you can beat it.

4 Likes
#18

I dont think that society should view people with addiction as ill, sick or whatever medical thing they wanna call it later. Society already does that, and maybe is one of the main reasons, addicts get treated the way the do. People get scared of sick people. They dont wanna touch them, they dont want to get as sick as them, or their kids to get the wrong “example” or sometimes it might even remind them of something they consider a sickness in themselves, but dont wanna accept. So they will take their distance, to not get afflicted, associated or influenced. Just these reasons alone, might be why addicts are mostly alone and get help mostly from people who have firsthand experience with the situation, or crap ngos that mostly are committed to make the problem avoid detection.
I ve had people in my environment that are addicts. One of my best friends still struggles with heroin, and a cousin was a heroin addict years ago. And i do occasional recreational use of some stuff, most of my friends do so too, but not all. And thats the thing, we do it as a ritual in a way, so its manageable.
From my perspective, the help needed is to have a chance at being part of society and the motivation to do so. If i didnt have that company of people around me that are this diverge and caring, not just me, but half of us would be in a bad situation for sure. It is a common problem in my country, addiction of hard drugs, and the state doesnt do nearly enough to assist. At the end it comes down to us, our open mind and our sensitivities to each other.
Maybe it should be viewed as a common thing/problem that affects everyone in society, not just the ones that got the short stick, coz of bad or nonexistent parenthood, and try to see how addiction is everywhere is society, from drugs to the internet, from your job, to bodybuilding and to obsessions and ocd. What i mean is that society keeps resenting some people for being drug addicts, but applauds other for being workoholics, or influencers. But the characteristics of the problem are universal, just not the consequences, which are more individually felt. I really hope i get my view across, and i hope i dont sound too pesimistic, as i am not really, just realist.

3 Likes
#19

…it’s a neverending challenge…especially for creative people…

do u master the druqs…OR…do the druqs master u…

it’s a thin and blurry line…to get the balance right is a hard struggle, everybody and everything has to fight for, find out and keep in check…to live a fulfilled and happy ever after existence…

after all, u seem like somebody who can really state with all confidence possible…been there, did that…

end of the day, most people don’t really reflect…are not real…
but U are…that much is truu…keep on going…keep on growing…

and hey…singing is the best anti depressive out there to find…
AND teach ur kids…on all of this…

3 Likes
#20

It’s a tricky one, because whilst it’s not traditionally a ‘contagious disease, or virus’, in a way, it is.

It causes the brain (and body) to enter an abnormal, diseased state, in the same way any other disease works by causing those changes.

On top of that, it can spread and infect people, you might see someone take drugs, a friend does, you try it etc. It spreads like a disease does.

So, in a way, the reaction of people is understandable!

Also, a lot of addicts exhibit anti-social or unethical ehaviours, both pre and post addiction.

However, I believe destructive drug use in itself is just symptom of a bigger problem.

The real problem. The big problem. The underlying cause. Is:

OUR FUCKING SOCIETY IS FUCKING FUCKED!

Sorry to be dramatic! But I think it is!

Take all of these things (and more), each one seems bad on its own, but added up…

Violence and potrayal of low morals/evil on TV and Computer Games, intensive farming and cruelty to animals, pollution, littering, big corporations… ah I think you realize this list could go on for a long time but I dont want to, cannot write more without upsetting myself.

Each one of you, I urge you to think carefully about the things you put into your mind, body, and consciousness.

Think about how your choices affect others.

Think about how your choices affect the world!

I’m far from blameless. None of us are. I’m an optimist too. We WILL get through this eventually. We have to because the other path doesn’t end well for anyone.

Drug addiction is a symptom - of a sickness in society, that each person has the power to help heal.

(please note I’m not trying to escape blame - I made my own stupid choices and paid for them, all me. But most other addicts I’ve known had less choice than I had, less education, worse upbringing etc)

3 Likes