“I spent half of my money on alcohol, women and gambling. The other half, I wasted.”
-W.C. Fields
7 Likes
me: I heard you do a terrible owl impression
them: when
me: holy shit, that is bad
16 Likes
How much does a rainbow weigh?
I don’t know but it’s pretty light.
12 Likes
After 2 years finally finished writing my new book “The Clock”
It’s about time.
12 Likes
Zookeeper: this snake is 3.14 meters long
Me: [ way too loud ] A pi-thon
Zookeeper: [ loading a tranquilizer dart ] look away kids
11 Likes
I have been enjoying my new hobby of selectively breeding only the most agile deer with the intention of racing them.
People have accused me of just trying to make a fast buck.
14 Likes
I have a logic fetish, I can’t stop coming to conclusions.
13 Likes
In 1969, I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.
Still Best (George)
10 Likes
Horses that live in a field are less likely to stay in love, because they are not in stable relationships.
8 Likes
Elektron is about to release a Digitakt MK2
1 Like
Hey Kids! Know what the difference is between an oral and an anal thermometer?
The taste!!!
7 Likes
What does Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic Priest not have in common?
…
You know what, nevermind. I’ll save someone the trouble of flagging me.
5 Likes
C’mon! I’ll Venmo you $5 if you PM me the punchline!
3 Likes
2 Likes
Reminder
Misogynistic jokes are absolutely not welcome here. Not the slightest.
If you don’t understand why, try to imagine the reaction to a loud racist joke in a public place full of strangers.
What may still be ok in private, with friends that know you, isn’t here.
If you still don’t see what I mean, maybe you’re in the wrong place.
Or need to read this:
11 Likes
Jesus once said “He who lives by the sword will die by the sword.”
He was a carpenter who died by being nailed to a piece of wood, so he might have had a point…
12 Likes
I just read a book about the worlds most luxurious basement, it was a best cellar.
12 Likes
What was first, the chicken or the egg? That’s the eggsistential question.
1 Like
The cockerel of course.