Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life…
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Immediately texted that one to my dad.
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Postman said he’s off to Spain for a week, asked him if he was headed to Parcelona.
Not even a grin.
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Maybe they could send you a postCartagena?
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Can you digit?
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I was trying to hard to raise a laugh, but I dropped my best one-liner and it fell flat and broke; so I cracked a joke…
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you were walking on eggshells and now the yolks on you.
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The difficult third albumen.
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I come from a long line of parents
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don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.
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Accordion to research, nine out of ten people don’t notice when you replace words with random musical instruments…
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A man walks into his psychiatrist’s office, wearing nothing but cling film.
Psychiatrist: “Hmmm, I can clearly see your nuts”.
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Chuck Norris is so tough that he doesn’t even need a gun
I made a joke on a zoom call the other day. No one laughed. Perhaps I’m not remotely funny.
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Fun true fact: Octopus have 8 testicles
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Another Bob Monkhouse classic:
“I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my father. Not screaming in terror like his passengers”.
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I didn’t want to believe my Mum was stealing from her job as crossing lady, but all the signs were there.
(100% not my joke it is both perfect and the work of https://www.miltonjones.co.uk/)
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Best one-liner in 2024:
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