Be polite, be civil, no hate speak.
TEENAGE ENGINEERING is not a one line joke.
go:
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It’s not mine, but my favourite joke is:
What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
punchline
They both roam around Uranus looking for Klingons.
On the subject of favourites, I find it so much less stressful coming to the understanding that what is my favourite doesn’t have to be what I consider the best example of a thing.
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I hate Swiss cheese because I’m atheist and it’s too…holy.
When that joke came to me in a haze, I knew I’d reached the pinnacle of human intelligence.
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A Frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder and the bartender says “Hey, that’s really neat! Where’d you get that?”
The parrot says “France. They’re all over the fucking place.”
Disclaimer: I’m French so pipe down
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Why wasn’t Rome built in a day?
answer
Because they hired city workers.
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French or Canadian? That’s two separate things. 
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Oui.
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Said no one
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A guy tried to sell me a coffin today…
I told him “that’s the last thing I need”.
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A, C, and E walk into a bar. The bartender escorts them out saying, “sorry, no minors allowed”.
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A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar
The bartender says “Whatcha’ll havin’?”
The rabbit says “I dunno. I’m only here because of autocorrect”
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Who’s your fashion designer Tarǵet?
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I like declarative sentences.
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knock knock
Who’s there?
“Dishes”
Dishes who?
“Dishes Sean Connery, open the bloody door.”
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One from Norm Macdonald:
They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself.
punchline
That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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Why is the ocean so salty?
answer
Because the land never waves back.
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What’s red and bad for your teeth?
Answer
A brick.
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My friend got a penis extension.
Now his house looks ridiculous.
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Back in December I went to buy a Christmas tree, the lady in the shop asked
“do you want one you’re going to put up yourself?”
I said, No, I want one to put up in the living room
Absolute filth
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I was at home the other day and my wife came rushing in and said “there’s a gang of lads going up the road nicking the gates off everyone’s front yards, you need to get out there and put a stop to it”.
“Naaaaah, best leave it” I said.
“I wouldn’t want them to take a fence”.
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