I know that feeling. I have a “fun factor” metric in my head, which is what I judge most gear on. If it doesn’t hit it (despite potential other upsides) it goes back. But I too try and judge that in the return window, which can feel like a small amount of pressure. I feel like more companies should do a free trial thingy like when you get a car or something.
As for rewarding myself, my criteria is the cash in the bank. I save up for specific stuff and if I have the money I get it, and if I don’t… I don’t. Similarly if I get some cash for one reason or another (a bonus or something) I’d allow myself to spend that on something for myself, just for fun. Otherwise no.