When did you accept that you wouldn't reach your dreams?

The Lounge General Discussion
#21

I realized the chance of making a living from the kind of music I like to make is slim at best when I was in my twenties and my band started releasing and touring regularly. Every tour and every record felt like a huge accomplishment, but ultimately we were happy if we’d break even on the van rental and gas.

I’m in my mid 30s now and over the last few years I’ve been doing a different style, with some streaming succes and I’m actually making some money from royalties so I started working 4 days at the office job instead of 5, That’s huge to me, although i hope to cut it back to 3. So yea I guess I’ve never been dreaming like I am now.

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#22

Are you over being Howard Moon then ? :wink:

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#23

Dreams change, be adaptable and you’ll always reach them.

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#24

Been going through a strange phase with it in the last few years. Coming up on 40, I have no kids, I can pursue music if I want, however I never really saw it like it was going to be that to me as much as I loved the idea of it. However I have an entirely different dream from my youth that is haunting me, and terribly so.

When it comes to income, I’ve gotten over the idea that I’ll be making money doing some form of artistic expression, however I’ve experienced enough to know that I have a really great opportunity I am making happen even if it is something I never saw myself ever considering, nor would I think many others would themselves so far as kind of a dirty job.

But if it works out I’ll be raking in the money to afford to establish myself as I’m still renting and want a home. And so long as just being able to begin more of an investment in that and future retirement I’m at least more than content with what I have and get to enjoy with the setup I’m currently using. If this venture turns out then I’ll pick up either the ob-6 or some analog poly to fit that spot if some how the ob doesn’t do it for me, which I doubt that.

#25

about two weeks ago. [I didn’t accept…I realized]

I just wanted to retire, surf, snowboard and golf. THATS IT! I had no GRAND plans. I just wanted a comfy retirement. simple.

I dont think I will be able to accept retirement isn’t in the cards for me.

now im looking at werking till im 70, IF someone will hire me. or getting ready to live dumpster diving.

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#26

It’s not over until until you’re dead, and even that is debatable.

I have 2 sons, one who is 3 1/2, has autism, and doesn’t speak. The other is 1 1/2 and is just starting to speak. Like usual, I have no idea what I’m doing, not to mention even more difficulties than just standard parenting (I never had and don’t have parents to learn from on top of it all). I feel overwhelmed ALL of the time. I’m a huge dreamer too unfortunately and am in a pretty constant state of suffering (though it’s mine and I try not to burden others with it). I can feel your pain.

Going back to the first sentence I said. I choose to never give up because the alternative sucks.

But, rather than killing myself trying to bend the world around me, I try to adapt myself and my changing situation as best as I can to my circumstances.

I weave through my life generally heading the direction that looks brightest to me (always revolving around music and things related to it, it seems).

When I can’t work directly on music I try to do whatever I can. Maybe I read something, or contemplate ideas. I analyze music or sounds I like while driving my son to ABA therapy 2 hours a day.

One thing I’ve learned about having kids in my short time is that nothing stays the same for long. Even though they need constant care it becomes less as they get older. I know eventually they’ll want to do their own things and I will have time to focus on things I want to work on. I will miss things that drive me crazy right now.

My time now can be used to figure out what I actually want to do next. It’s always changing and I’m always trying to figure out how to be happy with what “is” as well as what could be.

There’s a saying: “Life is what happens when you’re making plans.” It’s really easy to forget that every 5 minutes or so. Just bend and move in the general direction of what you want until a path becomes visible that makes sense to you.

Try to remember that there is more to life than that one goal. Don’t let it eat you alive, but don’t give up on it either.

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#27

For 17 years I had my dreams of rolling out my tea trolley on stage with my Octatrack on it. Procrastination be damned! Too late! :clown_face:

To be honest, the cruel exploitation of dreamers that this show thrived on has been a case study in re-assessing what success means and what it looks like

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#28

I think making a living with music or art in general would be the most efficient way of destroying it as a passion. As a young man I thought I was going to somehow ”make it” as a prog-rock/metal drummer. I have played in bands that would have provided money to get by and maybe earn some merit and what not, but I’ve left them as those began to feel burdensome. I dont think success and happiness correlate much in art tbh. I find making art honest and personal is the way. Do it for yourself.

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#29

The dream was to make music, not life off it. So I’m still, after 20 years living the dream.

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#30

Thanks for sharing. I’ve heard people say that it is far from glamourous, and I can see why.
But the thing with the quoted is that I have realized that I won’t be able to experience all that myself. If I’d been presented with the choice at 25, between having tried that life or not, and came to that exact conclusion. It’d be all fine. But I’ve realized I’m not going to get the chance to come to that conclusion.

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#31

That is what I’m trying to do. But I simply can not turn off my thoughts while trying.
I also think that this is part of a bigger issue as well. I’ve read that 1 out of 10 fathers (wouldn’t be suprised if that number is on the rise) go through a crisis when becoming a parent.

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#32

Thanks for sharing. And sorry (or not? perhaps a nice reminder of your progress) for reviving your old thoughts when you are living a new dream :slight_smile:

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#33

I’m really happy for you. I wish that I could create music without my little devil on the shoulder. Music has become a hate/love relationship for me.

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#34

I lived ‘my’ dream then became a parent and lived my dream of having a family.

I’m grateful for everything and realise I’m so privileged to have things that may seem basic such as food, heat, clothing, a home, running water etc. That right there is living the dream billions around the world can’t achieve and I’m sure dream of having.

I also realise making a living of your hobby or art is a luxury for the few so my goals have been realistic on that front.

As a teen I was obsessed with music, especially hip hop and electronic music is the late 80s and early 90s. At 16 I went to a club and saw people dancing to music I loved and I thought one day I want to be up there and everyone is dancing to me djing and my music.

So I did that and started djing, making music, worked in a record shop and recording studio. Made my living playing music out every week and lived my dream until I was 30. Never became big or famous, just surrounded myself with music and did what I wanted and enjoyed.

Then I was ready for a family and that was my dream, next stage in life etc. I feel I’m still living my dream as I make music and play out still, just nowhere near as much and fit it in with family.

I guess my point is do what makes you happy and be grateful for what you have. Set achievable goals and take stock of what you have because millions if not billions of less well of people would dream to be in your shoes.

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#35

Also becoming a parent is tough mentally. Women suffer from post natal depression and I believe men can have similar psychological issues with adjusting. Having another love in your life such as music may seem neglected and the responsibility of dedicating time to family is taking away time for that passion but there will always be sacrifices.

It’s important to take care of your mental health and not see your new family as a negative, easier said than done I know. The first year or two with my first kid I found really hard adjusting and with lack of sleep etc it was a struggle. Toughest few years of my life. Then she started walking and talking and became my best friend and was like a different life.

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#36

And on a positive I know a lot of dads making a living from music so it does happen :slight_smile:

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#37

Thanks for sharing. I see what you mean. But also have a hard time with the “people are suffering, so you should too” mindset. I am priviliged, but still suffer. There is always people worse of, and it would be a miserable life to try to make every life decision based on that fact.
I am really grateful for what I have, but I must also be able to suffer from where i am and my reality.

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#38

I totally get that, like I said I suffered at the beginning also, just for different reasons

I guess I mean some suffer because of things out of their control but if you are suffering from aspirations and goals and you have more control as it’s a mindset and technically you can still achieve those goals because you still have the same skills etc it’s just time that’s impacted.

Like I said I’ve few good friends with kids making music full time. It’s hell of a lot easier without kids but still doable with them. I think concentrate of your mental health and family then reset those goals back to music once settled.

It’s hard to give advice as I don’t know you so please ignore if you think I’m talking rubbish :slight_smile: :grinning: it’s with good intentions.

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#39

Also when I first became a parent the best thing I bought was an ipad and I made music wherever I could sit for 30 mins. Without it I would have rarely made a beat

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#40

On the night my first child was born, in November almost eleven years ago, I had to turn down an international gig, in London. That was one booking request that I turned down, and I mentioned becoming a father; guess what: the booking requests stopped immediately. As a result of the whole sitiuation, I completely stopped making techno and house for almost a year; I had no time and no motivation to be part of the scene. I thought that was it, the techno dream was dead. Got an Octatrack in 2011 and founded a punky goth-rap duo, eventually started making techno again. Still do.
Making a little money, but not enough on its own to support a family.
Short: Think in transients, there are no absolutes. Make compromises.

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