Older brothers

The Lounge
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has anyone else got an older brother who is bossy and controlling and generally hard to be around?

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Im an older brother and yes thats me right there. I have a son thats an older brother, and he is like that too. Maybe older brothers just generally suck :thinking:

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I’m an older brother and I’m pretty chill, but I’m also totally uninvolved with my younger sibling. Perhaps that’s just as bad.

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I have three older brothers and as much as I love them, I stay away from them all.

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luckily, i am the only child of my parents.
but i remember the times with my ex – she has younger sister of that bossy and controlling kind, actually the head of the whole their family.
and for me that was an important reason why i eventually didn’t want to continue — dominant and bossy relatives are no fun.

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A couple of options, depending on how bad things are.

  1. Be open and honest about it. “This is going to be an uncomfortable conversation, and sibling relationships are complicated, but I need to talk to you about…”. If you’re suffering, this might be necessary, and I generally feel strongly that honesty is best. Of course, be ready for the possibility of hearing some things about your own behaviour that are also uncomfortable (whilst monitoring for further manipulation)

  2. But families are complicated, and if you think method 1 risks too much escalation, do what a lot of us do and just avoid each other as much as possible. My brother isn’t manipulative, but an arsehole in many other ways, which I choose to confront with a raised eyebrow rather than anything else, because the family is falling apart enough already. And just shrug off his bullshit once a year at Christmas

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I have a younger sister that is like that, so the experience can be reversed.

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Same here :joy:

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Im the younger brother, but Im also a foot taller. I have no issues :rofl:

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I have an older brother. In many ways we are thick as thieves, and in other ways he lords it over me and generally acts like his way is always better and I’m a baby who knows nothing. We are both in our 40s now (ugh, god).

So here’s my advice, which I do not necessarily find easy to follow, but I try to follow:

Most of the friction between me and him seems to come from neither of us ever wanting to appear vulnerable in front of the other. This means minor disagreements can turn into shouting matches in a matter of seconds. I love my brother dearly and enjoy his company, so why are we always at each other’s throats?

My hypothesis now is that we both instinctively have a defensive posture around each other. Always on guard for the next dig, even if there’s none coming.

So right now, as my brother and I deal with the messy and harrowing business of executing our mother’s estate, I’m trying my best to be vulnerable and not a wall of stone, which for some reason is my default state around him and no one else.

I wish it wasn’t so one-sided, but one of us needs to start being more self-aware, and so far it seems to be working.

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thanks for sharing everyone, its thought provoking and has helped me to reflect more positively or at least in a more balanced way on my relationship with my bro, even if he is an arsehole some of the time, I am occasionally an arsehole and well, he is my brother even if he doesn’t get my obsession with analogue…

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All of my brothers are dead. I thought I’d hear their voices for the rest of my life. Alas, one died at 24, another at 43, the last at 44.

Two were taken (murdered). One died by Dentist. Never woke from surgery.

Cherish your siblings. You’ll even miss the things you think you hate when they’re gone.

If you’re carrying a grudge. You’re an asshole. Nothing is that serious that you need to take it to the grave and you don’t know when that last day is so grow up, be the bigger man if need be but do whatever is necessary to be ok with your loved ones. You don’t have to like them to LOVE them.

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words of wisdom…and sad to hear about how your bros passed. My honest sincere condolences.

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Thank so much :pray:t4:.

Sorry for bringing the energy down. Really not the type to do that but gotdamn man…saw this thread and can’t stop balling. Miss my guys.

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i met with him today and told him loved him but don’t want to be in business with him and we agreed on that, no love lost, all of this happened then i came home and read the above posts and i’m again amazed and humbled by the energy on this forum

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My older brother couldn’t understand what the term “unsolicited advice” meant….he thinks thats what advice is haha:).

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I’m an older brother and I really try to avoid being bossy or judgmental toward my younger brother. Sometimes it feels like he is passively soliciting advice, and I give into it, but mostly I just try to listen to him talk about his experience because it’s a lot different from mine. Also he is way better at video games and probably at cooking than I will ever be.

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As you know this community is about everything that is about our lives. Never worry about sharing because we are all human and privy it it all, my friend. Much love and embrace sending to you brother.

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I am the older brother. My brother and I have not spoken directly in decades. He decided on that course and till this day he has not bothered to share why…we are completely different in our paths of life and manner of communication etc…but I still have love for him but given up after trying many times to put things on the table.

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Man, so sorry to hear this @KingMidas. That’s very sad to hear. Sending my condolences.

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