Unappreciative partner

I have been with my partner for 21 years. In this time i have played and taught guitar and recently got into electronic music - preferring hardware but now integrating it all ising a computer aswell.
Now i dont proclaim to be Mozart or proficient to any level on my instruments but sometimes i come up with something that i get ‘that’ buzz from, that gets me all excited snd that im proud of.
Now when i proudly unveil my new baby for the wifes opinion … ‘S’alright’ is the response accompanied by a shrug then total indifference and her immediate evacuation of the room.
Oh well… Perhaps its actually a stack of old shit then…
Anyone else have to deal with an unnapreciative partner!!! She could at least bloody lie to kerp me happy!!!

7 Likes

If lying keeps you happy then that’s no good. Is it possible she just doesn’t really appreciate music? Or the kind of music you make?

Not a problem with my partner, but I don’t for instance play my music, or even discuss it with, say, the people I work with because it’s outside the realm of their interest and would just mystify them. The best I could hope for would be… lying to keep me happy.

The only issue here would be if she actually were impressed, but for some reason lied about it. That would be a bit of a worry, but that’s the least likely scenario. All other scenarios: c’est la vie. Concentrate on everything else you share in common and enjoy together and consider your music something that is yours in the relationship, just as I’m sure she has interests that are hers.

7 Likes

Married over ten here, with her much longer. Same shit! Doesn’t matter what I do, she’s always unimpressed. But she’ll someone else do the something on tv and be all amazed. Honestly, it used to annoy me a lot. And it was a bit of a counterproductive time after her comments. I learned to stop showing her much anymore.
I’ve also taken to the idea that I shouldn’t share things with too many other people. I know a small group of people who are encouraging upon receiving the gift of witnessing my creativity; those are the people I share with.

3 Likes

I had my brother listening to my very first track, of which I was very proud of…
He told me he couldn’ believe I could produce shit so bad.
Didn’t record another piece of music for 5 years after that.
Taught me a lesson : be happy when someone likes what you produce, don’t give a funk at people that don’t.
Don’t wait for people’s approval, or see it as a challenge to get you work harder to move your target’s heart (and body :smile:)

16 Likes

Damn ! I remember few times to said hardcore things to people, to help them, to create a reaction and a mind thinking … sometimes it’s working sometimes not. I do not that anymore because it can be dramatic and serve nothing purpose in real…

3 Likes

Yes I know exactly how you feel. But she’s gone now, she liked “guitar” music so there you go. What makes it even worse is my friends aren’t interested in electronic sounds either :frowning: So all I can do is post it on YouTube if I come up with something funky. My new rule is my next partner must be into electro (if I can be bothered@43).:kissing_heart:

1 Like

Perfectly understand that… but some people have no clue about “interest” and “intensity” on human affect… forgive her :wink:

1 Like

Well in my case it worked. Like once cut a leg doesn’t hurt anymore.
:robot:

Kidding. I just don’t swallow full negativity anymore ^^

2 Likes

I fully understand the unappreciative Wife scenario.

As a fellow guitarist I’m sure you’ll understand that on occasion the stars line up just right and everything you play is pure gold, even though I’ve been playing for 24 years these instances of enlightened playing are fairly few and far between (not that I’m too bad at any other time).

The last time this happened I said to my Wife “can you hear this, I’m on fire tonight”, the response was along the line of “oh, that’s nice”. This extends to all areas of my music making despite most others really enjoying what I make.

But here’s my alternative viewpoint…

I am able to enjoy my hobby in total solitude at home without external interference. I can put on my headphones and lose myself to music whenever I want, the benefit to my Wife is that she can watch Eastenders, Coronation Street or play Candy Crush in peace which I find equally as boring.

As strange as it seems to me, some people just don’t enjoy music in the same way as most of us do, it’s weird but true.

We’ve been together happily for 21 years and although we share love, laughter, family life and many other things :wink: we can individually celebrate our differences and create our own space.

It also means she has absolutely no idea what my kit is or what it’s worth, which has to be a positive in maintaining a happy marriage!

17 Likes

My wife saw me for the first time when i played a hardcore tekno/ dnb set on a 500 people audience party. She left within 10 minutes because her stomach couldnt deal with it. At home we listen to silent music, now i listen to the mirror pool by Lisa gerrard. Sati, Nils Frahm, rothko… this kind of stuff.

She doesnt like the techno sound, although in the past, when we lived in Berlin, she enjoyed berhain a lot.

When she listens to my music, she doesnt really understand it. Also she doesnt like it when i make music at night… i prefer to make music at night. Since we bought this too big house, i havre no money anymore for the external studio.

She does give me feedback. Not about how good is the music, more about how much she appreciates it that i love it what i do, that i can do this for hours and hours and that she likes it that i make music with my friends. That i learned her to listen to music and that she likes it to paraphrase the song i made. The usually she finda a pas sound or a rim sound she likes.

Even if the glass is 90% empty, it is filled for 10%. Paulo coello wrote this amazing little book called Warriors of the light. My wife is a warrior of the light, i try to be one (so i am one). It is a difficult thing to look at the light and always find out there is a little bit.

sorry for the long story to make my point.

15 Likes

My girl is a huge Indie fan, and she has a large CD collection, and really appreciated that i had very large speakers - 30kg per box - but she doesnt understand that i am into techno, she even does not like it when Indie bands have some synthesizer in their production - she likes only guitars, singers drums.

When i make music, it doesnt create a response from her - but its ok when i turn on the occacional DJ set on our HIFI stereo.

Well, music is about taste - and that is something which someone has to develop themselfs. I dont think its neccessary that we all like the same thing. But it helps if there is some shared interest - i like Indie music aswell - so i go to concerts with her (i am a bit more open mindet here) - but for partying i go with friends who appreciate the electronic music.

1 Like

Oh guys i dont wanna make you mad but this sounds like you never had the pleasure to play your girls into sleep?

don’t understand what you mean…
I never had the pleasure to play my girl into sleep?
what does it mean? proper english? is it me?

4 Likes

Play music so ambient and chill that your love interest falls asleep instead of jumping your bones? :joy:

3 Likes

I had a similar issue with my partner. She would always make comments about my small collection of synths and how we should sell them and so on. I explained to her that making music is a meditative sorta therapeutic part of my life. It’s how I relax and be creative. It’s not even an optional part of my life, it’s something that I have to do and will always do.

Basically I explained why it’s important to me and that gave her a perspective on it that was based on her respect for me and not her taste in music. I think it allowed her to appreciate my mediocre output as an expression of somebody she loves.

11 Likes

This is so perfectly put.

2 Likes

My girlfriend isn’t interested in music too much. But we share love for the beatles, partly for radiohead and sigur ros. But she likes more “poppier” stuff while I like weirder electronic stuff. She was more impressed with my earlier guitar featured tracks than what I do with synths now. So when I’m totally in love with a track I did, it can happen that she barely pays attention when I show it to her. That’s just a matter of taste. She’s not into this so I can’t expect her to be overwhelmed.
But she’s really supportive. She listens patient to me talking about gear or what I need to buy urgently :slight_smile: She organized my family and friends to put money together and bought me an octatrack on my 30 birthday, I had only few money at that time :smiley: And I produced some songs with her singing. So I guess all in all I’m in a lucky position with her regarding music.

6 Likes

My wife loves electronic music and says ‘you are getting better all the time’
My 5 year old son wants to always play the synths, and asked if he could have his own synth. He wants his own circuit he told me.

12 Likes

My GF doesn’t care for most of the music I make. But I’m totally cool with that. Not everything needs to be shared IMO. I’m just happy I have a space in our apt to do music in and she’s totally cool with me filling it to the gills with blinky boxes etc

But 100% headphones jams for me at home. The neighbours love us too!

3 Likes

An Ex of mine once braved the CD racks whilst I was out, I think she thought she was trying out some Tuung (which is just about as off-piste as she could ever go) … it turns out she had pressed play on the mini-disk side of the Dual CD-MD player and had been enduring my living-room guitar improvisations which were “just awful” (she even struggled to stop it playing)

the point is, for me, I knew it was all good, maybe a bit challenging, it did not matter to me at all that she expressed that view, she just did not have the listening background to understand or relate to it … if, say, Brian Eno had wandered into the lounge and said the same i’d have been more concerned, but even then, not too concerned - the important thing is … are you doing what you want to ? As long as your relationship is strong in other important areas then it doesn’t really matter, though you’re obviously denied the pleasure of sharing that side of your expression

5 Likes