Significant Other Advice


#21

It’s always a good reality check too, from what I’ve experienced. If the thing you’re sharing sparks any kind of response other than “huh, yeah that’s cool I guess”, then you’re excited about the right thing.


#22

women are attracted to nobility and wealth and men are attracted to nubility and health


#23

in mountain biking community, i know quite many couples who happily spend a lot of money on bike gear together :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


#24

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.


#25

THIS! My partner is not into remotely similar music or music tech, our interests are quite far apart. But she really digs my passion for what I love to do, and supports me in doing it, and that is just the best. I think it’s much more important that your morals and values align than your interests.


#26

Absolutely! My second wife wanted to ban my gear into the laundry room together with the washingmachine and dryer. My third wife now had for the longest time no Problem with it that i occupied some space from our living room for the Gear. Two years ago we moved into a bigger Appartment and now we both share an extra “for us”-room. It is so great that she respects and Love me so much, that she let me have this.


#27

When approaching your chosen mate bow slowly at a 90 degree angle with your hands pointing behind you, bare your throat at her openly to indicate submissiveness. Maintain eye contact and do not attempt to approach until she reciprocates with a rapid nod of the head. Be careful, blink and you’ll miss it. It’s important that you know, it could be the difference between life and death


#28

Some great advice up in here, and remember most potential partners will like the fact you have interests outside of cramming as much alcohol and cocaine into a weekend and will be happy you’re staying at home fiddling with your toys instead of someone else’s bits.

Edit: Swearing


#29

Sterling advice right here


#30

Stand by it and it will serve you well. bonus tip, ensure you have a large nest to return to, offer the mate a selection of metallic offerings. Shiny coins or bottle caps usually do the trick nicely. should the female become enraged flare your lats and stand your ground, a bad date doesn’t necessarily have to end in your decapitation


#31

A lot of good advice has been given. The most important thing of all is comfort. When you’re with someone who you are not afraid to tell your geeky interests to. It will just feel right. Don’t worry at all, you’ll be fine.


#32

My studio is pretty much center piece of my tiny apartment’s living room. It’s on a standing desk. Girlfriend enjoys watching my butt wiggling when I’m into the flow.


#33

Well, I am sure to jinx myself here by even talking about it…but here goes

After ten years with my sig other (im 35) - things I find very important have leveraged a successful relationship

Communication - i am big on communicating. Even if its too much. This is pretty much a foundational thing. Nothing really can last long without this existing. Basically being able to have a conversation (this is very base of it) is important. Im not sure how profound this concept is given the context but it really does cover alot of topics which im sure you understand.

Understanding - We’re both quirky, which most of the time is a good thing. However, understanding people is important due to potentially miscommunication mishaps. So yeah I know, this is hard- HTF am I supposed to totally understand someone at first? Having some degree of self realization is important so that you know how to convey any interesting characteristics you might have. Example - i’m pretty blunt/direct but I dont mean it in any negative sense - Im just direct. Sometimes this comes off wrong, but at least i know this enough to explain to people that thats how I am not to mention keeping this in mind when being around others and potentially curtailing what im about to say. Also, hate to suggest this, but there’s a concept called love languages based on a book - i wouldn’t read it per say but i will say its worth understanding the base idea.

IDK tl;dr - Understanding is important.

Acceptance - you dont have to be into the same things or even be a carbon copy of one another. If your personalities mesh well, then the rest doesnt matter. Its real fucking weird being dragged to a BackStreetBoys concert just to make someone happy and share an experience. Would I do it on my own - fuck no, but I mean damn she was happy :smiley: This kind of plays into a personal mantra of mine “try to say yes” but thats a more in depth topic for another time. Being open to things is a good thing i guess? whatever… moving on.

Goals and aspirations - This one matters for longer term relationships. And touches a lot of bigger life topics like kids, financial goals blah blah blah. It wont last if you have different ideas or one of you has no idea.

There’s tons of other smaller things but I think at its base, these ideas work for me and ashley. Everything else to me is just “details.”


#34

That plus empathy. Love the concept of trying to say yes. :+1:t2:


#35

You will know when it fits, long story short :slight_smile:


#36

Perhaps its not so much that they need to be “into” whatever I’m into, but that they appreciate how enthusiastic I am.

Sounds like you’ve got it, as far as I can tell.

I’m still sorting through this stuff with my SO, and I suspect (for me, at least), it’ll always have some element of tension I’ll just have to become comfortable with. I would never expect my partner to be into electronic music production or, god forbid, modular synths - I’ve already narrowed down the field of partners who would be into me and partners I would be into to a very small segment of the population, and it would’ve been willfully committing myself to bachelorhood to narrow it down to that extent, but also, I can readily see unhealthy parts of myself within my hobby (from buying a new module or synth as retail therapy, to escaping into sound instead of dealing with real life issues, you name it) and I would not like to see those qualities reflected back in a partner - I tend to think one partner’s strengths should compliment or mitigate the other partner’s weaknesses, and vice versa.

But, oh man, sometimes it’s harder to resolve this stuff than I could’ve predicted. What was once a quirky hobby (with some degree of external legitimacy here and there by being recognized for something, or being asked to do an interview, etc., all of which made her quite happy) that my partner encouraged in the abstract when we were dating became something a bit more fraught as we got more serious and eventually got married - after all, spending hours in front of the computer / gear with headphones on is fundamentally anti-social, and when you combine that with a demanding day job that often requires working at night, then it becomes a question of whether you indulge your hobby/passion or spend it with your SO who hasn’t seen you at all that day, and the latter usually wins out if you care about a good relationship with your partner.

And then when you have a baby, this becomes even more of a questionable activity - I sold off maybe thousands worth of gear to prepare for the baby’s arrival (we’re not baby-stuff-crazy and keep it minimal, but quality stuff is expensive), and in our small apartment, my little happy place music corner got dismantled and everything put into closets because we needed all the space we could scrounge up (luckily we’re renting a proper house now with plenty of space, but lord do we pay for it). I think it’s nearly every day that I fantasize about spending an hour making music, and most days it’s not in the cards, and my partner usually reminds me that I have more important things I should be doing instead. Which on one hand is unquestionably true, and on the other, might crucially misunderstand that I need to make music regularly to feel whole as a person. And my attempts to explain won’t necessarily fall on sympathetic ears - understandably! - when she’s been taking care of the baby for the past 10 hours while I was at work.

So, this is way more of a response than you asked for, and gets into stuff you’re definitely not dealing with yet or won’t at all. But I just want to affirm that the question matters and probably gets at some very at-root issues of who you are / what your self-identity is, how you want to spend your time, what your goals and ambitions in life are, how relegatable-to-the-background you consider your hobby to be and under what circumstances, how present you want to be for the people in your life, etc. Heavy stuff, if you ask me, but better to confront now when you’re searching for a partner than years down the line!


#37

You’ve described my situation to the T. You have to give the proper attention to your SO + family, but the music keeps your blood flowing. Helps me keep my sanity between a toddler, an infant, a dog, a wife, a mortgage, and a 50 hour per week job. I should’ve just picked reading as a hobby, sheesh…:blush:


#38

my choice is being single to have enough time & money for music.

would not recommend this option to anyone, but it definitely deserves to be mentioned in this thread.


#39

My partner and I are both artists. That helps in being supportive to each other s creative endeavors. We re both geeks and freaks in our particular directions. I m seeking for perceptual glitching via electronic media. Lately I got back into the techno production game too. She s currently creating a latex+crochet fashion collection. I don t know a thing about crochet and latex only marginally interests me :wink: but I understand the process she s in. We both know one has to be completely obsessed with their subject to reach their creative goals. So we support, discuss, advise and help when we can. And importantly: criticize, in constructive ways.

I think that s one strong base for our relationship. I think another is that we share a critical perspective on society and are both types not afraid to stand out by doing things differently when we think the norm is not right, and be outspoken about it. Politically we re in the same quadrant.

Lastly, a contentious advice of mine. I ve had a bunch of relations before and i ve come to realize that everyone has a freak hidden or not so hidden in them, myself included. That freak can be someone s quirks, fetishes, trauma s, obsessions, depressions, insecurities, fantasies etc. Some people are proud of it and wear it in full sight. Others just don t feel the need to hide it to please or conform to others. And some do their utter best to hide it from sight, behind masks and facades. But the freak will find a way out and when it breaks out it will have turned into a monster.

So my advice: go with the one that wears their freakiness in plain sight. It s more fun overall and a whole lot less trouble than when it comes creeping out.


#40

Why not reduce your work to 80% ? Isnt that an option, and deescalates everything? Its not about the money in the end of your life.