Significant Other Advice

The Lounge General Discussion
#1

Hey Rimshots and Cowbells,

I don’t have a ton of intimate relationship experience in my life, but recently I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself, overcoming fears, smashing limiting habitual belief systems, and putting myself out there, and it’s been awesome.

What limited experience I’ve got so far has shown me that I appreciate someone who is a good communicator, and someone who is self-aware and improvement-oriented.

But what about personal interests? I’m turning 38 this year, and let’s just say I’ve had quite some time to develop a strong, defined personality and set of passions.

So I don’t yet know what is crucial for me to be able to talk about with a partner…sure they don’t need to be into the wizardry behind the Super Famicom graphics engine. Perhaps its not so much that they need to be “into” whatever I’m into, but that they appreciate how enthusiastic I am. I don’t know… any advice? any stories of success or of failure?

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#2

I would advise not to overthink this. You’ll know who’s on your wavelength, probably. And controversially, I’d say personality is more important than physical attraction, that’s not to say attraction isn’t important - but getting along is way more useful. If you became a parent you’d be looking for different qualities still. I guess enjoy the journey, but don’t overthink it and ease off on geek stuff on a first date :wink:

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#3

that’s the hardest bit !! the rest will be easier …

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#4

as long as both your personal interests don’t inhibit each others personal interests no problem

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#5

Much appreciated. Yes, I think I’m doin’ a good job on thinking about the parental qualities + physical attraction…those two bases are covered. This fellow and I match pretty well on:

  • mutual chemistry
  • inlaws
  • children / family plans
  • morals
  • financial planning
  • spiritual outlook

Which is like, an amazing combo…but I think I have to consciously relax a bit and show my nerdy interests too…I kind of skip over all that and go straight for finding out the big stuff mentioned above

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#6

Go for someone that appreciates the fact that you’ve done that, and ideally someone that has done the same themselves!

Worst relationships I’ve had, have been those that featured one or both partners that weren’t in a good place, so now that you feel good, look for someone that does too! As anyone trying to complete themselves with a partner, should look for completion from within first. IMO.

Also learn from another, but don’t change to try and please someone else, as it won’t make either of you happy.

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#7

You don’t need to have the same passions, but it sure helps if they are aligned in any way.
My partner and I (3yrs) have been lucky enough to both be artists.
I love to make music (and I just wrote my first script) and they are a hairdresser, makeup artist and costume designer.
We’ve been lucky enough to join forces in 5 play productions, and we are working on our first short film.
Our interests aren’t the same, but we have been able to combine in a way that has given me musical experiences I would’ve otherwise never had.

I’m not saying you neeeeed to look for someone with the same interests, just maybe look to see what happens when you combine those interests :3

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#8

That’s actually what I found the most attractive about their personality… the drive to examine and improve.

#9

Always learning, always improving, always willing to have everything you’ve ever believed proven wrong. All of which makes for an ever growing individual, and the only kind of partner I’d have, or person I’d strive to be!

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#10

…Or marry drum machines and synths. I’m not sold on Marriage but i’m certainly having an extended affair…! haha

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#11

Me and my wife have mostly different hobbies and interests but works just fine.

Don’t over analyse anything and just go with the flow. If it feels wrong or your unhappy speak up. If nothing changes move on

Never put up with being unhappy or an unbalanced relationship

That and always be in charge of the TV remote :slight_smile:

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#12

Having separate interests means you always have stuff to share with each other, as you enjoy your passions and then talk about your day over a meal :slight_smile:

#13

100%

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#14

Great stuff, everyone. Wow!

#15

Look for a girl wearing a Moog T-shirt.

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#16

LOL…or an Elektron shirt :heat::3lektron::aw:

#18

I feel like this thread could quickly go off topic into “attractive chicks/dudes with techno shirts” LOLOL…:joy:

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#19

Relax and be yourself. If you find yourself thinking that you want to spent more time with this person, move together and take the bound. Being 49 years old, being in my third marriage (13y now), it sometimes work out, sometimes not. Don´t hang out too long on relationships that makes you both unhappy for too long, don´t give up too quickly either and try hard to make it work, but if it doesn´t work out, let it go. You always can learn in the current relationship for the next one. And remember, we all die alone.

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#20

Hot tip: Don’t marry someone who has any interest in, or knows anything about synths.
All synths will look the same to them and you’ll have less GAS-inhibiting pressure as new objects mysteriously appear in your man/womancave from time to time.

When discovered, ‘Oh this old thing? Had it for ages…’ will be far easier to pull off

Otherwise he or she will be far more likely to ask ‘Is that an OP-Z?!’ or ‘I hope you’re not going to pay Arturia for that upgrade!’ or ‘Anything new out from Mutable? If there is, you don’t NEED it’

Your synth-fetish will no longer be your personal sanctuary if your significant other shares your interests.
:grinning:

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#21

It’s always a good reality check too, from what I’ve experienced. If the thing you’re sharing sparks any kind of response other than “huh, yeah that’s cool I guess”, then you’re excited about the right thing.