is there anybody else here who hears voices in their mind like me? ive been diagnosed since 8 years ago as a schizophrenic, on medication called aripiprazole. i get a lot of time for making music, so i churn out a lot of acid tracks. it’s really crazy and life changing to start hearing voices, most people are cool with it, but others like to keep a distance, which is understandable. you get into periods where you dont want to do anything including music, then sometimes all you want to do is make music and start making loads of tracks.
are there any autistic/asperger’s or schizophrenic musicians here? having a keen interest in a narrow field like music gadgets and making music kind of overlaps with asperger’s?
everyone has a different life experience and it’s interesting to know how others see/feel/experience life. cheers.
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lowph
2
I don’t have any relevant experience to share, but this sounds really interesting. Do you release your music? I’d love to hear it.
i didnt know much about it myself until it happened to me! i suppose it could be someone in your own family one day. you never know. theres a guy called martin christie who runs the emom events (bring your own gear and play 15 minute sets at a venue around the uk), he was really understanding because someone in his family has a similar condition. thanks for asking!
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Kja
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In the past I thought I was pretty bad… I think it was just from way to much drugs though, it is hard to tell… you can only be paranoid for so long until the body will react. So I’m not sure it was schizo but reality paranoid…when I was a teenager I took medicine for a couple months until I was so lethargic I couldn’t function… I basically ignored itt for five years as best as I could Intel it got quieter and quieter and eventually went away… notes I would have to really focus on it and even then I couldn’t be sure I didn’t just make it up… so for me it went away, but it took a LOT of work… it was really scary though when I was having it bad, almost cut my fingers off once, and knocked on a neighbor’s house once to beat him to death… luckily I always knew enough to know what is real, and some things you don’t come back from…
I hope this helps, I believe they’re is hope, and you can make it go away if you want it bad enough… I wasn’t ready to give my life up to live like a vegetable. I have been completely normal for about fifteen years now.
Drugs don’t help that at all IMHO. Be sober a while if you do that. It might surprise you if so.
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I have OCD, which can often give me earworms (INMI) as they call it, and I also have Misophonia. Certain sounds can really create negative feelings. For me it’s often repetitive sounds or certain timbres or voices. It doesn’t happen often—thankfully—but I have had a these types of sounds/music stuck in my head on an involuntary loop.
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At one point diagnosed with schizoaffective - bipolar. Voices, paranoia, severe anxiety. Other than anxiety, I’m symptom free 4.5 years. I’m also 4.5 years sober (aside from weed), so you do the math.
I’d also add I’ve done a lot of therapy and continue to do it. I take the very very bare minimum medication to stabilize my mood. I also have a very strong support system in place now.
I sobered up because kidneys kept failing and then acute liver failure. I’ve recovered from all of that as well.
Since then I’ve gone back to school, got a business degree, ended my long period of isolation and have restablished relationships with all of my friends, and have a great corporate job that never would have been possible. None of the above ever would have been possible.
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I thought I suffered from depression/ bi-polar for most of my life. Medication/therapy never seemed to work. A few years ago I became so unhappy I stopped taking my insulin in an attempt to hurt/kill myself. I ended up in resuss after collapsing in the street, in a very bad way.
Fortunately I didn’t do any permanent damage and eventually we worked out I had undiagnosed autism. My mental health history began to fall into place, including years in the wilderness self-medicating. Also my obsession with electronic music and synthesisers now makes sense, I’ve stopped chasing office jobs (which made me very unhappy) and Im going to University to do Music Production. I’m 46 and I’ve only just started to work out life… Thanks for letting me explain myself
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whim
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Slightly tangentially, I’ve been very inspired by the Frank comics of cartoonist Jim Woodring, who has experienced visual hallucinations and perceptual difficulties throughout his (especially early) life. In this clip, he states, “I really do see the world in a strange way. I’ve kind of had to work at keeping it that way, since it became my bread and butter. I think for a lot of people who have problems or quirks like that, the most important thing to do is to put it behind you as soon as possible. I’ve actually worked at keeping this stuff alive in me because it’s grist for my mill; it’s what I use–and I like it. ”
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Yes, I’m totally glad to be not alone here, glad to know people can get on with their lives despite it all. I’ve never tried weed in my life, but I’ve read that it can cause mental issues in some people to develop, while other people smoke it and have no problems. Ill have the occasional beer or gin and tonic, but never been a heavy drinker either. everything in moderation!
misophonia, thats interesting, never heard of it before.
It’s really terrible what drink and drugs can do to a healthy body and mind, and it’s absolutely brilliant to be able to rebuild your life and make the most of it.
I’m totally obsessed with synths and electronic music too, never been diagnosed with autism, I did ask about autism when I studied electronics in technical school, but the lady there said no I don’t have it.
There’s a lot to be said for going for it, and doing what you want to do with your life that makes you happy and content. Seems like a common thread here is seeing what works for yourself and going for it.
Never heard of Jim Woodring, he’s absolutely brilliant. that computer game cuphead has a similar style.
Thanks everyone.
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TBN
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Yes, I’m autistic and have adhd. Music is my comfort zone…
(…among other obsessions, but music is always a nice theme to return to)
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stiwon
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I understand now that I’ve been on the bipolar spectrum since about the age of eight, caused by childhood trauma. I didn’t really understand that until I was 24 though, and went through several decades of difficult mental experiences, including a period of obsessive thinking (where I couldn’t walk down a road due to having to obsessively add up all of the numbers on the car number plates).
It was all vastly isolating because I had no understanding of what was happening, and no one around me with a similar amount of mental energy.
The big turning point in my life was getting a place at Cambridge University, which I reckon must have the highest density of bipolar people anywhere in the UK. I suddenly met hundreds of people like me, and started to understand what was happening. I had a big low after leaving though, and started to hear murmurs of voices, and it all got very dark.
Since, I’ve had about 70 sessions of psychotherapy, most self-funded, which was hard but vital, and feel much more stable, but what remains is a pattern of mood changes that the medical world would call cyclothymia. this is not a well known word, and in fact I only discovered it about 6 years ago, but it quite precisely fits me.
Much of this has been related to music making. Periods of obsession have led me to focus on music practice as a comfort.
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sabana
14
Whats your take on Gear acquisition syndrome.’? Id be interested to hear your strategy for coping.
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TBN
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I can easily loose myself in obsessing over gear.
Fortunately I’ve learned a few things over the last few years:
- I can recognise in the moment when I’m overobsessed and have learned to relativise my mood
- I’ve learned that too much gear in front of me causes option-blindness
- when I keep one or two devices as “brains” I can have fun with more or less any other device connected to that brain
- I need a few “peripheral” devices to have fun with and to vary with for inspiration, but I don’t need to have all thinkable sound generation options in my posession.
- I’ve learned to reflect once in a while over the above points, especially when I over-obsess…
Bonus insight: if you keep switching devices and buy more options you never will master any of those…
All edits are due to correcting grammar: that’s a bit of a thing for me…
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sabana
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Cheers. This is really helpful and shows great insight. What do you use as your ’ Brains’ in your set up?
ADHD which affect my creative process a lot.
TBN
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Digitakt and or mpc live II
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sabana
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Cool stuff. The MPC does everything you need away from a computer and the Digitakt is the librarian 
Two cool brains.
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It can be a truly life-changing experience, and it’s awesome that most people are understanding and accepting. It’s totally understandable that some may prefer to keep their distance, but there are plenty of folks out there who are supportive and get it. I’ve heard that there can be an overlap between interests in a narrow field like music and conditions like Asperger’s. It’s fascinating how our passions and experiences can intertwine. If you’re keen on exploring more about this, you could look into research on neurodivergent musicians or connect with others who share similar experiences. By the way, if you ever need help finding a specific medication, you can try using an online pill finder tool. It can be really helpful when you’re looking for information or trying to identify a specific medication.
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I’ve been hearing voices and seeing things for about a week and a half now. It’s as bad as it’s ever been, but I’ve sobered up once again (aside from weed), and I’m hoping that aids it. I’m back on my meds as well. It’s led to bad decision making, that with the alcohol that probably both subdues and amplifies it at the same time. I’m 8 nights clean, though, and I’m feeling a lot better physically. Let’s hope the mind follows the body.
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I’m not a doctor so my comments are just observational based on my own past substance abuse, but as a chronic insomniac who at one time was also suffering from sleep apnea, any time I’ve been at my worst in substance use and I wasn’t getting sufficient REM sleep I would start to get further and further into this grey area of psychosis or mental instability that would sometimes manifest itself in unpredictable ways.
You’re probably on the right track, but even small withdrawal symptoms can impact the amount of productive sleep you get when you actually do try and rest. I know it’s hard to do because I’m a lifelong “night person” aside from the insomnia, but try to set a schedule where you commit to resting even if your body tells you to do something else instead. Just convincing it to be still for fixed periods of time will aid in letting it know that this is a time for rest. If you’re already exhausted, your body will soon get used to these opportunities and you’ll fall asleep quicker than you’d think.
For me, it’s always been a mental block against rest, because I always feel like there’s something else I should or at a minimum could be doing, but at this point in my life I’m in my 40’s and I quit smoking (both weed and tobacco) a few years ago. I drink occasionally but not very often, so while I’m still an insomniac, when I do sleep, I get productive rest and somehow it keeps me in balance. It’s at least better for me now than it was 10 years ago, although 10 years ago my music output was a lot more prolific, so I think that there are tradeoffs. Your health has to come first though, or at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself.
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