The way I’ve played out! The only ones mortified were the audience!
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Oh, a few embarrassments here and there.
Lately, me typing up a list of interests and influences to a local “musicians seeking musicians” group and getting mostly laugh emojis.
Since I mostly chat with electronic musicians, queerer theater people and the spice-brained (but I repeat myself) I forgot that the vast majority of “band” networking is for 12-bar bluesdads or suuuuper boring bro rock bands.
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In my early 20s I worked on a song non-stop for a week. I get off work, I work on the song. I wake up, I work on the song. When, at work, I think about working on the song.
It felt like pursuing the holy grail- the best song ever made- hubris running through my head(spoiler alert)
Then…it was finally done…all the pieces were just where they should be. My vision actualized.
I burned the song out of my studio in a box, and listened to it on my cd player.
And it was awful. Absolute garbage. The lyrics were sanctimonious and shallow. The music was an absolute nonsensical mess.
I felt such a vast and endless embarrassment to myself that I imploded to a degree that defied physics.
I wanted a bridge to jump off.
I’m a terrible musician, artist, and person.
Its the emotional and spiritual scar from that event, from investing so much of myself to produce garbage, that gives me an exhausting anxiety when it comes time to work on music.
Where once there was enthusiasm and gusto, now lies a thick coating of regret.
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I once fell asleep on stage
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I once fell asleep on stage while filming Silver Apples (it was about 3am at this point, but still…)
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just dredging up this memory has been mortifying, I can’t stop thinking about how awful it was.
There was another time a band I was in got a gig on a local cable access show and the singer was sick (thus absent) and we were all too stoned and used to taking cues from the vocal, anyways someone missed the cue to go to the bridge and we were stuck in a loop of playing a verse for a second time and because it was tv there was some kind of schedule and we got the “wrap it up” sign from the side of the studio stage before the song was over.
Everyone was embarrassed by the events on that day. Somehow, I kept playing music, but these memories really keep me on my toes now that I think about it.
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this can actually be one of the most damaging experiences and a huge blow to the ego because there’s no one to blame but yourself.
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I must have missed it, otherwise this whole experience wouldn’t have seen the light.
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That’s not on, I’m going to track it down and like it!
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it no longer exists.
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I was still in high school and moved to a new state. A local reputable band was looking for a bass player and my buddy encourage me to try out. I failed miserably, they were playing in a time that I just couldn’t get going.
That said, it was more motivation than mortification!
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Deleted out of shame
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Phew I started looking at the history and Keg posts a LOT!
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post it here and now! you’ve got my like in the bag!!
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I’ll take pity likes!
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it’s not pity when it comes from me!
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Ha! In my earlyish guitar days, I over the internet auditioned to be in a local band.
They emailed me a track and told me to add a guitar line to it. I tried to add some poignant stuff to it, but tried a few other things out to see what worked/what didn’t.
The person I emailed the track to sent an email to a bandmate, but accidentally sent it to me.
It read “wow, this guy sucks”
Thats poetic license. What it really said was something along the lines of
“This guy is going to take a lot of work to get on the same page”
Lol. I want to believe both of us felt embarrassed 
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I did this once, never again. The resulting ‘track’ (recorded on an Encore Strat , Ibanez sound tank pedal and me on vocals (I don’t sing)) is on a C90 mix tape hidden somewhere in the loft. I will never, ever, play it, I can only hope one day in the far future my kids will find it and have a good laugh at what a tool their Dad was.
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Some are.
And for some reason those are the only girls where there have been mutual attraction in my past.
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Over the tail end of the last traditional band I was in my drinking started to spiral pretty bad, I played a lot of shows too drunk to have any idea how I was playing. While I’m pretty damn embarrassed by that it’s definitely not the thing I’m most embarrassed about from that point in my life, so there’s that I guess.
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