Hello everyone. I’m new here, just a few days since im checked in…
I am really curious to hear from you how your stress level is at the moment and how you deal with it, because I can no longer read people’s faces since almost everyone wear masks and I can’t tell how people really feel. In these times I noticed many prefer to be alone or no longer dare to talk to other people about feelings for fear of rejection.
I’ll start:
Many things burden me but I start small and tell you about my day today.
I was shopping for dinner and when I was at the checkstand and wanted to pay, the female cashier told me to pull my mask back over my nose because it had slipped down from chewing gum. I just said back quickly, yes, slides down every now and then when I chew gum. Paid and left… On my way home I got a really strong heartbeat because I was so in anger.
First about the woman who instruct me very rude but then most about myself, because I would have liked to said to her that it isn’t really bad to take the mask off for a moment so I could breathe unused air for a change or if she want me to pay or pass out due to a lack of air!
I was so angry on my way home and if someone had needed my help or even worst tryed to flame me, maybe I would not have been so nice anymore. But that wouldn’t be me but the collateral damage that happened when people are not nice to each other…
Man, I wish for more understanding people who are warm-hearted and not angry because they are also victims of injustice. I wish more could break the circle and be nice to others again, even if someone has just given them the finger.
That happened to me today and I would be happy if you tell me how you deal with such situations or what has happened to you lately that you want to talk about.
Usually I don’t even realize that I’m angry or irritated. Taking the kids to day care and school can be very stressing and makes me angry at times… I have to actively remind myself that I’m just tired and that I probably stayed up to late playing synthesizers and that usually calms me down…
Im guessing that rude cashier was in a similar state of mind, not realizing she was rude.
Sorry you had a misunderstanding. As someone in a stressful position (high school teacher in the US), my motto is to be curious, not furious.
For example, I’m guessing the cashier sees many people each day that aren’t wearing masks properly. Since she has to stay in one spot and can’t escape the potential virus exposure, she is at higher risk. A little empathy goes well both ways.
I also think at almost 2 years into the pandemic, we should all have masks that are comfortable and fit us well. They shouldn’t slip down, ride up, or stop you from breathing at all. Try Korean style KF95s. I’m masked at least 8 hours a day and speak loudly over unruly teenagers and I’ve never felt like I was going to pass out.
I spent about a third of 2020 working in 80-90F weather, in the California summer sun, sanding, grinding and painting wood and fiberglass. With a mask on, every day. In addition to protecting my boat partner, I was protecting myself from glass fibers lodging in my lungs.
Unless you have severe breathing problems, KN95s aren’t a hardship, they are a blessing.
My current stress level is such that I perceive it as invigorating rather than exhausting. Mind you it takes very little to cross that line and then I need to step out of the situation for a moment, take a deep breath and focus on thinking about what to do next. When someone gives me grief, I try to remind myself they’re probably having a shit day, too.
Relating to your cashier example, give her a break. She’s probably heard and seen it all, including verbal abuse and threats, while at the same time she might be in danger of getting into trouble herself for not reminding others of the rules.
Vaccine mandates come into force next week in my neck of the woods; I feel really bad for hospo workers and the sheer amount of abuse they’re about to receive. Businesses in other states already getting death threats for just trying to follow the rules.
A combination of good luck and a fair amount of hard work has brought me to a place in life where I have a degree of comfort and flexibility. I’ve used that flexibility to optimize my life around the things I enjoy doing solo or with my SO most excellent partner and accomplice. My biggest concerns are my impact on those around me. When I’m in public, I feel like I’m walking around with a naked katana. One false step and I could accidentally deliver a lethal cut. I wear KN95 masks and will keep 100 on hand for the rest of my life.
I’ve chosen well in my past synth purchases, and have been able to trade for or buy a few absolutely phenomenal synths this year. I wouldn’t really feel comfortable complaining about the things I wish I could do, but can’t. They exist, but they wash away when I put my headphones on and power up the Lyra.
One thing that has been awesome about the last two years is that I have not had a single cold or flu. I traveled internationally with a mask on in January 2020. Usually the first day or two of any air travel results in a mild cold or flu for me, depending on what is going around. I was in 100% perfect health for the entire trip, spanning three countries. Once COVID hit the USA, I switched to wearing masks for all human interactions. I haven’t been sick since.
I have noticed my levels of frustration and anger spiking to levels that I don’t consider appropriate. It took me some time to realize what was happening. It has taken more time to decide to take action. I have refocused on what is important. For me that makes it much easier to let minor things go as they should and deal with bigger things in a skillful and effective way.
In order to make such sudden situations less stressful, I have been trying to develop a habit lately. I don’t always manage to do it, but I hope that with time it will become natural for me.
Whenever I get irritated or angry I try to stop the rush of thoughts and ask myself in my mind “why?”. What is the reason for this irritation? Is that actually a valid reason for stress? If it involves a person, I consider what the person’s intentions are, because maybe it is only me who projects my thoughts onto that person and in reality it is completely different? Or maybe the person is having a bad day for some reason that is important to him or her. Before anger sets in, I try to consider if the situation is really stressful, and will my anger make a difference or will it make the situation even worse?
So in short (tl;dr) I try to chill out in similar situations.
I guess this means significant other? I’ll advise not to use it in a danish context, where it is one of the worst things, you can call a female, which is a kinda funny. Carry on
Interestingly (to me, anyway) that’s a specific application of a more general approach called ladder of inference. I find myself applying it all the time, though not to the level of detail in the linked article.
It kind of boils down to: instead of instantly reacting to a perceived conflict, rather, back off a little, and consider how you and the other person arrived at very different viewpoints.
On the flip of the ops anger I’d hate to be a cashier dealing with the general public during the pandemic. Especially as most had to work while so many were on furlough
OP, find a way to relax a bit, you sound stressed. Maybe the cashier was stressed too. Also, wear your mask properly. It’s not hard, doesn’t affect your ability to breathe and everyone has had nearly 2 years to get it right.
I’ve been dealing with high levels of stress for a long time and I’ve been trying many different things to tackle it, however I think that somedays I’ll just have to make peace with the fact that I’m a stressed person, accept it and maybe it’ll help .
Lately my new thing is to try to create moments of quiet and boredom in my days. I realized I was always looking for stimulation of some kind, listening to music, podcasts, watching videos, reading articles, etc. Never having a moment of just nothing, letting my brain relax and wander. I hadn’t had a real moment of quiet for almost years. So at the moment my commute is activity free, be it active or passive, I just sit there in silence, watch the road pass by and let myself think about anything I want. It’s interesting, relaxing, and I’ve had cool ideas pop up in my head that I wouldn’t have had if my brain was focused on something else.
However, paradoxically, someone started using their phone on speaker in the bus, my moment of quiet and zen was crushed, stress level went through the roof and I almost started insulting the guy.
What youve done is called a Dopamine detox. We did it the asylums i worked in. Removing any stimuli so the patients would get bored. The brain settles down as Dopamine levels lower as it needs stimuli((like cell phones).
