Get an old lo-fi sampler and run them through that. For instance, Yamaha SU10 or Zoom Sampletrak (I’ve heard both referred to as the “poor man’s SP1200”) or maybe a Boss SP-202.

Also, for general insight from a master, read these:

Shitty is pretty

http://www.funkydown.com/downloads/shitty1.pdf

http://www.funkydown.com/downloads/shitty2.pdf

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