“Daddy likes BANG BANG BANG music but I like normal music.”
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My kids are in puberty and keep telling me “dad, why do you keep buying new gear when you end up selling it again after a while? Don’t you have enough by now?”.
When I watch gear reviews on youtube the kids say things like “oh no, dad is gonna buy that synthesizer, aren’t you?”
And the worst is my wife she recently said “(Me looking at sonicstate’s Nick Batt and some pioneering techno artists now in their late 40’s…) her, I see a pattern here, this whole synthesizer thing is for middle aged men!” Auch… It’s been my passion since the early 90s, cannot deny we are getting older 
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Didn’t you know, middle aged men aren’t allowed to do anything.
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Not true if you own a house and especially if that house has a lawn.
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My 5 year old just got out of bed. We’re watching Nick Cave on the Glastonbury Highlights. He pulled the most disgusted face and said “no one’s going to marry him with such a terrible voice. I would teleport there right now and shut this whole thing down. Did you know, I would have Def Leppard, Billy Idol and Nyan Cat play at my festival”
A thumbs up from me on all points.
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I suspect if I ask my 5 year old for her festival line-up she’d choose Girl Who Sings Disney Princess Songs on YouTube, plus Other Girl Who Sings Disney Princess Songs on YouTube. Although she did go through a brief Ethio-Jazz phase.
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Lets add them to the line up.
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Done. Though your son might have something to say about it. She’s also into Baby Shark, and The Chordettes circa mid-1950s.
Considering the principal that kids inevitably rebel against their parents, I think I’ll listen exclusively to mindless pop music for the next decade until she comes home one day and says “Dad this is shit, I’m going to my room to listen to Fela Kuti”
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I’ll run it by him in the morning.
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Hahahaha, amazing.
And just like that ‘Water no get enemy” is playing in my head… 
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My daughter just yelled out, “I got bit by a hero!” , does this mean she is the villain?
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Maybe. You might want to look out for secret meetings in your house, though.
At a Falkirk game not too long ago with a particularly angry crowd (we were getting battered in a local derby) my son turned to me at the end and very loudly asked “Dad, is C U N T a bad word?”. Me trying not to laugh had to explain yes and don’t repeat that in front of your mother.
And my mum is always fond of telling folk about a time when I was 4 or 5 and travelling into Falkirk on the bus. Falkirk in the 80s was a very white town, I would only have seen a black guy on tv. Anyway, a black guy gets on the bus and me, being a huge A Team fan, started telling Mr T, MrT! My mum’s sitting there mortified though to be fair I bet the bloke was loving it.
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When my daughter was 3 years old, I was painting the kitchen walls. She came running and looked at the walls and blurted. “Pappa, what the fuck!?” We’re Swedish, I have no clue where she had picked up her new vocabulary.
I try not to laugh at stuff my kids say since I want to promote that sort of creative thinking which usually comes with these sort of things. But I could not hold it in when I heard here say that.
After I had stoped laughing I told her that she shouldn’t curse.
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Last night whilst giving my son (5 years) a bath, he looked at me all sympathetically and said “Daddy, I’m so sorry you look like a Penis”
I heard my wife crack up from the bedroom.
But on a serious note, my boy has an obsession with talking about Nuclear Bombs and Biohazards. First and last thing he’ll talk about. He’s not frightened, just talks about it in a matter of fact way. Really don’t know where he got that from. Probably Minecraft or Roblox.
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When my son was almost 4, we were walking by a big field full of flowers, with the family and grandparents, under a sunny weather.
My son asked me if he could go in the field and grab some flowers for my wife.
I told him that it was very nice of him, but by the time we would be back to the house the flowers would be dried, and that his mother preferred watching at living things.
He thought about this for a few seconds, and suddenly ran towards his mother. I fortunately had the time to grab my phone and record his sentence while he was showing her the whole field: “I wanted to bring you back flowers at home, but, these flowers, they’re for you”.
Got a tune out of it:
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I’m in the Kitchen chopping veg. Playing ‘Clone Machine’ by Egyptian Lover. I can hear my boy lowering the pitch of his voice and he’s repeatedly singing “Clone machine - I’m gonna have a great time in my pants”
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I was in our kitchen one morning when my three-year-old son comes in and announces he wants a donut. I explained that we didn’t have any, and he didn’t believe me. Instead, he pointed at the refrigerator and said, “There are some in there.”
Figuring this was a good opportunity for him to do some investigation on his own, I told him that there weren’t any, but that if it made him feel better, he could go ahead and have a look as long as he put everything back.
He opened the refrigerator door, meticulously took out everything he could get at to look behind things, put it all back, turned to me, and said, “Jesus Christ. Somebody ate all of the goddamn donuts,” closed the refrigerator door, and left.
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“YAY!! I have 28 pieces of Pork Chop. My new record!”