This morning my 5 year old boy was looking out his bedroom window and he said “Daddy I can see a Policman being unstable with an Ant”
This little chap comes out with some corkers. I’m attempting to catalogue them going forward.
My 3 year old loves to say this when trying to get her way or make a point. She says “I know, that you know, that I know! Okay?!”
Makes me laugh every time
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My all time favourite: „my butt just burped“. My son when he was three.
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My kiddos are just right to the point “I farted daddy!” then hysterical laughter ensues.
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My daughter was five when she said something that changed my perspective of time forever. We were sitting on a train and she said: “Time doesn’t move at all, we just fall through it.”
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Dang! My mind is blown. That’s deep.
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When my eldest daughter was 4 , I was brushing her teeth one night. Out of nowhere she says “I could pay a soldier with a gun to shoot you, and then Mammy would be able to marry someone else”. We had a bit of a chat about the ethics of assassination, and agreed to disagree.
A couple of years later when she was 6, I reminded her of this incident. Embarrassed, she hugged me and said “Oh Daddy, I’d never shoot you!”, and then whispered “but I would kill Mammy…”
My wife and I sleep with one eye open now.
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I’ve younger twin girls too.
One morning, when they were 3. I found them in my bed fighting.
Twin A (lying on the bed, bawling, pointing at her toes): “Twin B says these are her toes. They’re not, they’re my toes!”
Me: “Of course they’re your toes. Twin B, those are Twin A’s toes. They’re on her feet.”
Twin B (calmly, at the edge of the bed): “No, they’re my toes.“
Twin A (roaring and holding her toes): “NOOOO!!! THEY’RE NOT YOUR TOES!!! THEY’RE MY TOES!!!”
Twin B (calmly, walking out the door): “They’re my toes…”
(They do have proper names, but they’re unpronounceable Irish ones, so I’ll spare you.)
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Anna was 4 when she told me: “,Angels are always barefoot in the fog.”
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…my son spended me some of the coolest lines for song titles when he was around 4…
…dad, i feel like i’m exactly anywhere…“exactly anywhere…?”…thanx son, i gonna make this a great a hook…
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Funniest thing my son said, we were sat outside the bank in the car waiting for my wife, he was about 9 at the time:
“Dad, have you ever shagged a hooker?”
I just burst out laughing, it was so random and shocking. I assured him that no I have not, and that it wasn’t the sort of thing he needs to ask 
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“Daddy you have all this stuff (ie gear), why don’t you do something with it?”
…
Kids say the damndest things, no?
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Right for the jugular… geez kid!
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In my defense shes with her mom all week and I stop all things when she comes over.
Thats my story and I’m sticking to it.
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Do you put DMT on her cornflakes or what?! Last week mine asked if she could use my belly as a trampoline for her dolls. Cheeky monkey. Worked quite well to be fair. In other news, I’m on a diet.
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Graduating twins this year, I have many interesting conversations over the years. One of my favorites was when asking them “why would you do this?” They’d respond “dunno, I was crazy when I did that.” Hard to disagree with a toddler admitting he may have not thought that through.
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Neighbours kid, five, asked how to turn it up.
We laughed, he ran home, then came back with his iPad, and asked “is it on blue tooth or wifi?”.
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On Monday morning, our 4 yr old son jumped in front of my wife during a video conference screaming “i’m playing with my weenis!!”. She was mortified … I nearly died laughing. I need to start writing down all the crazy shit he says and does. He cracks us up.
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Amazing!