Flattery or being told its good

mr_bernard · 2022-08-31T14:35:45.292Z

I just say “thank you! what’s your name?”

Often, people approach with an excitement or need for connecting or even their own recognition of being in the audience. I don’t really care what the reasoning is, but I also don’t want to have any discussion of merit right then and there.

Playing saxophone through a weird, synthy pedalboard garners a lot of excitement, and I’ve learned that people are enthused by what they just heard often because it’s very “new” to them. This may sound pompous, but at 40 years old, I’ve learned that just accepting the complement with a smile without dissecting it is a more positive experience for everyone involved, and helps me not to feel like an imposter. I do genuinely appreciate the compliment/recognition, but I know not to overthink if it’s real or fake.

Funkyswitches · 2022-08-31T14:52:33.695Z

mr_bernard:

I don’t really care what the reasoning is

mr_bernard:

people are enthused by what they just heard often because it’s very “new” to them

It’s part of being an artist, pompous and all, to discuss, dissect and declare how “one sees the world” . If nothing else, an artist shares a vision. This requires a boldness that many don’t understand. That’s why productive and impactful artists are often disagreeable by social standards.

anokah · 2022-08-31T14:52:55.866Z

I have a friend who is brutally honest, and that’s, if not nice, helpful

But another thing I noticed recently; I made a track which was just me playing piano and overlaying it with some other sounds and instrumentation. It differs a lot from the electronic, techno type of music I’ve been trying to make in recent years. The response I’ve gotten from people on this as opposed to other tracks is wildly different, more adjectives, incistence on how lovely it is. And this corresponds to my own feelings about it. I’m much better at playing instruments and creating songs with them then I am “programming” electronic music, and it became evident throughout the entire process.

Now, my point is that, I think I ignore my own feelings about how some stuff I produce stacks up against the abundance of great music that’s being made, has been made in the world, but that lingering feeling is still present in the back of my head. So when people give a positive, but not excited feedback, I feel I kind of know the truth, but choose to ignore it, because of all the effort I put into this stuff.

Not saying it’s awful, but if your own feeling is kind of, cool parts, but an average of meh, and you get that lukewarm response we’ve all gotten, there’s probably some kind of equal sign in there

anokah · 2022-08-31T14:54:43.444Z

But throwing in some positive points, and constructive criticism, always helps the social part of it. If possible

Starscream · 2022-08-31T14:58:10.721Z

That depends on perspective taken. Did you make the music for your own pursuit and goal and does that include for the enjoyment of others? I’d deduct some pts if someone says it is perfect and ignore the toxicity that others try to spill into your effort and journey. Does effort count for anything these days or are we so outcome driven.

Add: they say imitation is the best form of flattery so see if that happens.

natehorn · 2022-08-31T15:01:23.673Z

You’re thinking too much about it. Take the compliment and move on with your day!

Trying to psychoanalyze why anyone says anything to you at any given time is a recipe for dissaster.

ramcmdr · 2022-08-31T15:03:29.797Z

If someone has taken the time to engage with your art then their encouragement is probably sincere, no need for false modesty, take the compliment. Similarly I wouldn’t tell someone I liked their work if I didn’t mean it.

anokah · 2022-08-31T15:20:09.918Z

I think there’s a big difference when it comes to solicited and unsolicited feedback though. If you ask someone to give honest feedback, and they don’t like it , lots of people find it really difficult to be honest about that.

Best feedback I ever got, was when I thought I had made something pretty cool, and I showed it to a friend. His response was, “it sounds like music from the 90s, that was bad”. He doesn’t have the aforementioned problem.

Edit: serious typing issues on android

thermionic · 2022-08-31T15:21:23.680Z

I know what I like, and what I do that makes me happy.

I have honestly no clue what someone outside of my headspace would think, and it’s a little hard for me to figure out how to get any external feedback. With my neurosis, I’d like to think that I’d be more likely to work harder with negative feedback than silence? Not necessarily in changing things to be more to their liking, but at least to making the weird stuff more interesting and intentional.

Probably easier to get it out there into the world first and not hundreds of tracks spread out on multiple drives

Funkyswitches · 2022-08-31T15:29:08.669Z

It’s one thing to discuss, and another thing to dismiss.

I like the forum to discuss, not to dismiss. With the more interesting topics there is more a tendency to dismiss others.

Please be aware of your opinion and how it contributes to a discussion…or shuts another down…

Mumdad · 2022-08-31T16:05:48.220Z

Seeing as ‘good’ can kind of mean anything from ‘genuinely impressive’ to ‘well, it’s good that you tried/good by your usual standards which are terrible’ I prefer to thank people for their politeness but only take notice of my own impossible standards of perfectionism that lead me to never be satisfied with anything in this world. It’s the only healthy way.

Tchu · 2022-08-31T16:21:10.241Z

If you find something very good, I think it’s important to let the other person know that you like it. I personally PM the persons when I find that their work reaches me, at least, here on Elektronauts.

GS · 2022-08-31T16:32:49.398Z

And sometimes flattery can be confused with indifference.

cogsy · 2022-08-31T16:49:38.558Z

With friends/family, I think it’s always slightly suspect. What’s funny is when someone tells you a track is good. Then they listen to something else you do and say, “Wow, this one was actually REALLY good.” Oh, yes, then what was that first one?

If I’m going to compliment someone, I usually try to pick out specific elements of the song I liked. So even if they don’t think I’m being genuine, they at least know I actually listened to the whole thing.

natehorn · 2022-08-31T16:54:08.880Z

cogsy:

With friends/family, I think it’s always slightly suspect.

Ha it’s funny, if a friend tells me they like a track I know it’s really good! They don’t blow smoke up my arse…

cogsy:

Then they listen to something else you do and say, “Wow, this one was actually REALLY good.” Oh, yes, then what was that first one?

Noooo, I totally get this but it’s a really negative mindset. Unless your perspective is that you have no room for improvements and that you are already perfect then that is an excellent compliment, even with that loading!

Castor · 2022-08-31T16:54:50.044Z

Two hottest threads atm are one about flattery and another about success!

Lieder · 2022-08-31T17:05:37.499Z

Out of curiosity, what do you say when you think it’s bad?

Phillip · 2022-08-31T17:32:15.097Z

Good question, thanks for asking. In that case, I don’t say anything unless explicitly and personally asked directly to critique the piece, and then I will express my thoughts as best I can with the words I have and the feelings i get from the piece from my perspective as an artist, audio engineer. I will tell them what I like about it, what I don’t, the reasons why I do like or don’t like those things, and ways it could be improved based on my taste driven opinion.

thermionic · 2022-08-31T17:46:57.026Z

Agreed, it’s really always in the framing.

I enjoy reading negative opinions when couched in “my preference”, because I like to understand how others experience the world.

I dislike reading negative opinions when used to belittle someone else on a forum, it’s absolutely the worst of narcissistic internet communications and webforum culture.

Lieder · 2022-08-31T17:49:23.437Z

Thats a good response.
I’ve been on both sides of these situations.
To be honest, I’ve lied in the past and said something sounded good when it didn’t but in my defense, the guy asking was in a low place and I just felt it would’ve crushed him.

Since then I’ve made it a rule to neither ask someone to listen to my stuff or to listen and critique theirs when we are in the same space.

If they want me to listen and critique, I tell them I need to be alone and give it a real listen.

It’s not really a cop out either, I generally believe I can’t honestly listen unless I’m in my own space with my own thoughts.