Farting

alep · 2014-03-06T04:21:01.000Z

ages ago there was a guy (might have been Lord Sausage as they called him) on future producers who suggested to sample them farts and build snaredrum- and hihat-hits from it.

so mike it up and have a go! you could make a whole library of fart-samples.
the looong whining ones - with a fair amound of slow ´attack´ - are almost like reversed snares (maybe with a dash of reverb), the short loud and bursting ones are best as hiphop snares, i swear.

also you could “layer” them by slapping your butt while farting, so you have a clap-snare style sound.

make sure to use OKM though.

“dutch blanket” sample set anyone?

NRain · 2014-03-06T05:15:38.000Z

Just play loud main stream dubstep whenever you are feeling gassy. Dubstep is great for covering up loud stinky farts!

husc · 2014-03-06T08:24:48.000Z

bluewolfse7en · 2014-03-06T10:48:01.000Z

zeropoint · 2014-03-06T11:52:15.000Z

^^ brilliant. duelling bumjos…

void · 2014-03-06T15:52:02.000Z

guga · 2014-03-06T17:57:54.000Z

^ like the ‘dryer sheet’ option! quick and easy

djd_oz · 2014-03-06T22:11:48.000Z

Aparently charcoal tablets maybe able to help you, I had a mate that had a simillar problem and that was what his doctor prescribed.

dimi3 · 2014-03-06T22:35:56.000Z

Gouxte · 2014-03-06T23:20:32.000Z

Put cumin in your meals. A lot of.

namnibor · 2014-03-07T12:17:07.000Z

Could acquire an Akai MIDI Breath Controller and harness that “green energy” for additional modulation routing for some Physical Modeling Synthesis in your A4.

guga · 2014-03-07T15:05:17.000Z

""namnibor"":

Could acquire an Akai MIDI Breath Controller and harness that “green energy” for additional modulation routing for some Physical Modeling Synthesis in your A4.

great idea!

neuro_toxin · 2014-03-07T16:37:37.000Z

""namnibor"":

Could acquire an Akai MIDI Breath Controller and harness that “green energy” for additional modulation routing for some Physical Modeling Synthesis in your A4.

That is the best suggestion yet!

Cocker · 2014-03-07T19:20:29.000Z

""djd_oz"":

Aparently charcoal tablets maybe able to help you, I had a mate that had a simillar problem and that was what his doctor prescribed.

^^ This

Anything with charcoal or ash will do. Burnt toast I’ve heard works well

If you look at the back of a can of pet food (dog, cat) you’ll find they put charcoal or wood ash in that too. Keeps you pets (relatively) fart free

OSCar · 2014-03-07T20:31:57.000Z

Just call the Proctologist and ask for some extra Propofol - people will even forgive you for the youtube video … (apparently)

TrabanT · 2014-03-07T20:56:32.000Z

""VennDiagram"":

Just call the Proctologist and ask for some extra Propofol - people will even forgive you for the youtube video … (apparently)

http://youtu.be/eVnKbEZwLJo

holy shit! … but I like this guys attitude … i could never be that cool around my GF … i am still trying to figure out which comments and advice in this thread is for real and which isnt.

danlukas · 2014-03-08T02:53:04.000Z

i’m in a similar boat, except i’m married and my wife is eating the same diet as me so only the kids complain.

we’re eating lots of beans, greens and cruciferous stuff. the broccoli slaw is deadly at the quantities i’m consuming. but i’m healthy and dropping weight from the updated diet and working out.

i’ve tried the probiotic and the charcoal and only had mixed results.

whatever. the goal is being healthy. so if it’s a good relationship invite her in on the food.

danlukas · 2014-03-08T03:51:38.000Z

""husc"":

dubstep.jpg319×480 27.2 KB

where is this from?!

TrabanT · 2014-03-08T07:37:13.000Z

""danlukas"":

i’m in a similar boat, except i’m married and my wife is eating the same diet as me so only the kids complain.

we’re eating lots of beans, greens and cruciferous stuff. the broccoli slaw is deadly at the quantities i’m consuming. but i’m healthy and dropping weight from the updated diet and working out.

i’ve tried the probiotic and the charcoal and only had mixed results.

whatever. the goal is being healthy. so if it’s a good relationship invite her in on the food.

hey danlukas …
which probiotics did you use? just yoghurt? is there anything else that you could use / eat ?
judging from your pictures you must be married to a snowman, snowwoman I mean, who gives you the chills when you kiss
you say I could invite her to the same diet, I assume that women in general (sine the beginning of time) just hold in their gas (because princesses dont fart)

namnibor · 2014-03-08T10:34:20.000Z

/
Just as sure as a female frog croaks as much as a male frog croaks, rest ASSured that the “princess’s among us do indeed” let their gas pass! We males are just generally more VILE about how we go about it.

On probiotics: be aware that even in concentrated capsule form from such a brand as “Swanson” or “Nature’s Bounty”, probiotics do in-fact help with re-establishing the “Flora” within our gut; my own experience with them actually not only INCREASED my own vile behavior, but reached a point over-the-top ridiculous in that I joked to my mates that kids were lining-up daily in order to have me fill their balloons with flammable methane and the probiotics ended-up actually making it rather “dangerous” in that my undergarments needed to have “splash guards”. After even a Gastroenterologist intervention, I chose in the end to simply just fart and be all natural and not mess around with nature. Be careful, as have since learned you can simply augment your diet with Greek Yogurt, keeping in mind too much of anything can literally backfire in not-so-pleasant ways:-)