1

hey knob turners and button pushers.

since recently i have a GF. and I like to be slim. so at night I eat vegetables. but the more vegetables I eat to avoid carbs in order to stay slim, the more I fart.

now with my better half around, I have to negotiate between being a smelly bf, or gaining weight but not fart.

i was never comfortable holding the air in, and usually all my friends complain about me giving off gas. (even I am occasionally surprised to experience such a disgust from myself)

i can (totally) see that this thread will be deleted soon… but maybe i am not the only one.

can i blame my synthesizers for the smell? do women just not mind? do I have to get used to clenching the cheeks? must I eat differently?

2

Never known that to be a good combo! Mind you, I fart all the time, but I’ve been married for years. I’d never attempt that with a recent GF…g/l :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

3

You should encourage your gf to join in!
Both place your heads under the covers then take it in turns to let rip!
First one that comes up for air loses! In England we call it Dutch blankets :slight_smile:

Doubt very much that your synths will contribute to the foul odour emitting from your straining rings but you could compose a soundtrack to the game!

:imp:

4

I think most people on this forum have a hard time containing their GAS.

5

Sorry, I don’t have any advice for you TrabanT.

But I do have a great idea for the next OT science lab…

6

  1. You need a probiotic in your diet. This is essential for super good digestion and gut. Which means you absorb more nutrition (so you have less cravings) and better processing of food (which means less gas …but not less G.A.S.)

  2. Exercise. I work out at least three times a week, and I can pretty much eat anything I want, once a day (other two meals are healthy …and no snacks). And I’m in fantastic shape (especially for a 40 year old man)!

  3. If all else fails, you could use a trick an old friend of mine used to use - put a dryer sheet in your pants! Farts come out smelling like a fresh load of laundry!

7
  1. i think i tried that for a while, with bad results, i think it increased my movement (but i could certainly give it another go … tried with probiotic yoghurt few years back)
  2. yeah … i do push ups every day, and 2x martial arts, and runnig if i am not injured from carpal tunnel elektron syndrom
  3. the E A S Y way out … i like it! … must research if we have these fart stoppers in germany
    thanks all contributors (you really made me laugh) and free fall off course
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Fart away, my friend!

Why stop it? Can you imagine a life without farting? Sounds horrible. I let them rip all the time in front of my girlfriend, thankfully she thinks they sound funny. My brother in law is out of luck though, has been with his girlfriend for 8 years, and they still don’t fart around eachother! That’s just horrible. You need to just start doing it at some point, man, otherwise - spontaneous combustion!

10

winner winner chicken dinner

11

ages ago there was a guy (might have been Lord Sausage as they called him) on future producers who suggested to sample them farts and build snaredrum- and hihat-hits from it.

so mike it up and have a go! you could make a whole library of fart-samples.
the looong whining ones - with a fair amound of slow ´attack´ - are almost like reversed snares (maybe with a dash of reverb), the short loud and bursting ones are best as hiphop snares, i swear. :wink:

also you could “layer” them by slapping your butt while farting, so you have a clap-snare style sound.

make sure to use OKM though.

“dutch blanket” sample set anyone?

12

Just play loud main stream dubstep whenever you are feeling gassy. Dubstep is great for covering up loud stinky farts!

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^^ brilliant. duelling bumjos…

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^ :joy: :joy: like the ‘dryer sheet’ option! quick and easy

18

Aparently charcoal tablets maybe able to help you, I had a mate that had a simillar problem and that was what his doctor prescribed.

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Put cumin in your meals. A lot of.