@joanq, you say you don’t have natural ability, but motivation is a big factor, and you have natural motivation. No need to analyze that further; just do the musical activities that you like to do, and you can’t lose. Here’s a series that’s fun for some people because you can carry it around for casual listening any time, you can sing or hum quietly with it, you can go back and review after time away, whatever. There’s no telling what will continue to keep you motivated, so this is just one person’s recommendation. I can personally vouch for the quality, though: The Ear Training Method.
Yes good point, I think 1 to 1 learning with a good teacher is different from trying to learn by yourself, I don’t necessarily think that the teacher has to be a teacher by trade either, could be a knowledgable peer/friend etc.
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Currently trying out EarMaster, will see how well that works out.
Why do you feel you need to use an app? I mean, just practising scales and then playing as much as possible is a great way to train your ear. I do think trying to learn how to tell what note is playing without any musical context (or an instrument in front of you) is an odd way to learn.
There are a lot of good answers and suggestions, I can’t answer individually at all of you, but will try to summarize here:
- I’ll look into the apps/videos/courses you are suggesting and find out how they work for me.
- Quitting music is a categorical no from me. Even with my many limitations, the pleasure I have obtained from playing/making music clearly exceeds the effort and time involved. I don’t need and don’t want to make a living out of it, so no pressure, I’ll get as far as I can, and I’ll enjoy the journey.
- I’m taking classes, and I’m learning a lot from them. What I lack is a practice routine that helps me improve in this particular skill. I know all the theory I need, much more than I can put into practice, so this is not a problem.
- I can do some of the things you suggest. For example, it’s not difficult for me to improvise, or to play along with a song, because hitting a “bad” note is very obvious in most cases. But I can’t find what chords are playing in a song, or answer a melodic phrase, and I even struggle to find the tonic of a song.
- I don’t know if I need an app. I’ve tried some, and they didn’t help me much, but this is a kind of skill that seems to require repetition, so and app seems suitable.
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Not enough. I struggle to sing in tune, and this is probably the origin of my problems.
By what chords, do you mean what exact chords or even the root note of said chord, like if it’s an E or an A? I personally think that just playing more would be good for you. Maybe join a band? Not easy while we’re still in the midst of a pandemic, but learning these things with musical context as well as other people playing with to me always felt easier. Make a riff or a chord structure and then make melodies or improvise on top. When you do that enough, and make sure to practise scales and study chord structures you’ll be abled to distinguish different chords and apply the correct scales.
You say you know enough theory, but it seems to me like you struggle with translating that theory into practise. Only way to do that is, well, practise.
I know I kinda belittled apps, but here’s a youtube channel I really like. He explains some pretty complex music theory so that even a self learned doofus like me understands it, and is also not a douche like most youtubers seem to be. Straight to the point, no stupid jokes, no egoistic ramblings etc.
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Improvising is just really fast composition.
John Lennon says it nicely:
Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream
It is not dying, it is not dying
Lay down all thoughts, surrender to the void
It is shining, it is shining
He skips all the stuff about practicing your scales, intervals and chords, and how 80% of what your improvise will suck. But he’s still right.
(I’m really not much the Beatles fan, but this one’s got layers of brilliance in it)
I believe you are referring to congenital amusia
“4% of the population” implies that true tone-deafness (amusia) is kind of rare, although I’m not sure what “population” is being referred to. After all, 4% of the population of Monaco and 4% of the world population are two very different numbers.
Unless you are absolutely certain you are part of this 4%, the ability to distinguish pitches is trainable.
Well they did practice that stuff they just didn’t know they were practicing that stuff.
I also want to cosign @hausland’s excellent thoughts: the basics are not hard and they make making “music” a whole lot easier.
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Oh, for sure. I juat meant that it’s not in the song 
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Hi. just being pedantic here but the chances of hitting the right note is 8/13 or 61.5384615385%, a full octave consists of 13 notes. 
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It can be hard because it’s better if nobody is around. I sing along in the car when nobody is there.
I guess I could have elaborated more on my ear training experience. The majority of it was in the university Music Fundamentals course. There was a music major version of the course and the lite version for non-majors just trying to meet general ed. requirements for graduation. I did not take the lite version. 
The very most effective ear training I got was the daily practices I had with my classmates in class. I got all the motivation I needed from the professor and my classmates. Some things we practiced in class:
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Sight singing out of ear training/sight singing books. These books were really just fragments of classical music that somebody copied and collected into a book, arranged in a progressive order of some sort. A big advantage of being in class is, if you’re slower at reading the music than everyone else, just cheat by listening to what the others are singing and copy them, while trying your best to follow along in the book. Also, when you get paired up with a classmate, they can help you if you’re struggling. If you’re alone at home, it can be too easy to say “eff this, this is too hard, I’m gonna crack open a beer”
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Somebody plays a short melody (usually on piano) and you sing back the same melody.
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Music gets played on the class PA and you transcribe the bass line or melody line. Sometimes you’re asked to transcribe the middle lines.
I did find that when I try to figure out what chord is being played, getting the lowest note of the chord is easiest. The highest note isn’t too bad. It’s the middle voices that can be the trickiest. I found that it’s best to just figure out the pitches of the chord and don’t try to hard to name the chord, because that will be a waste of time. Save the identification of the chord for later.
Some people think that if you study chords in isolation, you’ll learn all the chords. I found a more effective process is to learn the chord progressions of real songs instead. This helped me get familiar with various types of chords in surprisingly short order and start to recognize them more quickly when listening to music.
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Finding the tonic should be your starting point then. Don’t worry about the chords yet. That will come. It’s a matter of understanding the tonal and emotional quality of a chord TYPE and its position in the scale (barring jazz). But first you gotta be able to catch the tonic (or the root of a chord if jazzing) to be able to orientate yourself and choose how to move from there.
Knowing too much theory without having the established praxis to go with can also be a problem. You might end up feeling that you know a lot and still you can’t sound as good as you want to which can feel discouraging and deflating.
To paraphrase the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, if you know music theory, you know ABOUT chords, but you don’t KNOW chords.
in a way, knowing too much music theory without having the proportional “music practice” to go with it, turns music into too much of an intellectual, premeditated thing. I really encourage you to focus on FEELING notes, chords and the notes you produce (best to use your voice as suggested earlier) and see what they do with you emotionally and physically. It’s the figurative meat to go with the bones of music theory.
I have a friend who’s a pop pianist and established songwriter, he’s written multiple no 1 hits (mainly popish stuff). He came over to my home studio to write a piece for an ad…he watched the ad and wrote down the emotions he saw in the video, then commented on what was going on while matching the emotions musically…when I asked him what he was doing (in terms of music theory) he started talking about the emotional landscape and storyline of the ad and showed me matching chords that would reflect the mood…so I asked him again “ok but WHICH chords are you playing?” and he just looked at me and said “I don’t know man, you tell me. I’m just going with what sounds right.”
Turns out, he really doesn’t know much music theory at all (very good grasp of the basics but after that it’s all just theory to him), but he KNOWS the emotional quality of his favourite chords and how they interact and that’s the map he uses to navigate music.
That sort of intimacy with what you play can only be built, to my humble understanding, if you don’t rush, take your time, and REALLY engage with each note you play and hear. The key word, as someone has said before, is LISTENING — but not just with your ears, with your whole body & being.
Also, music is vast, endless maybe even. It’s important not to expect complete fluency ever actually, but certainly not within the first 5-20 years of engaging with music. What I mean is this: rather than aiming to recognise EVERYTHING, learn the sound of one or two chord progressions you like and then go looking for them in music. So you’ll become an expert in picking out and contributing those chord progressions. At this point you may not yet speak the language fluently, but you’ll know enough words to order a figurative coffee successfully, and that will give you the energy and encouragement and joy to go further and learn more.
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Bro you are spittin 
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For me the best way to ID a chord is to sing along to it and find where notes lock in. I’m not a singer (at all) but I sing all the time and it seems very helpful
Singing along helps for sure.
These days, I can ID a chord by recognizing if it’s major, minor or dominant, and also the extensions (9th, 11th, 13th) a good amount of the time… if I hear it as part of a tune.
But, I don’t try too hard to assign a name to the chord, right away. I listen for the voices first, and listen to the voice leading.
If somebody just drops fingers on a piano, and asks “Hey, what chord is this?” I would say that without a context I can’t really tell.
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Thanks man… you’re a special person – lots of wisdom and useful tricks. Really appreciated! 
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Aural ability can absolutely be developed with discipline. The idea of someone quitting because it is not inherent is disheartening as its development is a process and can almost always be taken further with the exception of perfect pitch. Furthermore, a high level of aural proficiency is not a prerequisite for producing high quality electronic music or enjoying yourself for that matter.